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Squishor · 05-24-2005, 06:20 AM

I agree that the situation you're describing is intolerable. Screaming is one thing I don't accept in a relationship and I commend you for your patience. My feelings stem from the fact that I had to listen to my parents screaming at each other, and I'm concerned for your daughter. I have been known to crawl in the closet and curl up in a ball when one of my past boyfriends raised his voice to me, and I've been told I may have PTSD due to my parents arguing. Of course everyone responds differently.

Nobody has mentioned this, but have you considered the possibility that she could have some sort of chemical imbalance or other physiological issue? Could it be hormonal? Her behavior sounds so extreme and irrational I wonder whether there isn't something else wrong. Then again, her unwillingness to consider that she is crossing the bounds of acceptable behavior points to her upbringing. I don't know how you can get through to her on this point - maybe you could tape-record her some time and play it back for her? Perhaps a letter which she could read without the opportunity to react and start in on you, since you wouldn't be there in person? Maybe a third party could talk to her about it? If she is able to control her behavior, there has to be some way you can convey the imporance of it. Good luck to you - this has to be a very trying situation.

Hmm, looks like people had the same ideas as me while I was writing. I wonder if there's any way you could get her to see a doctor for this.

I had an idea for a trouble-shooting type approach. If you could sit down with her and get her to promise to listen to you without raising her voice, then you'd hopefully be able to get your feelings across. If she starts yelling, that might tell you whether she's even capable of controlling it. You could then point that out to her and possibly get her to seek outside help on that basis, whether it's medical or counseling. If she is able to sit down and keep her promise of not yelling, then that tells you something too, plus it gives you an opportunity to discuss it with her.

How are you approaching her on the subject? Is there a chance you're putting it in a way that causes her to become defensive? One approach that might be productive is putting it to her in terms of you needing her help with the situation. A request for help tends to bring out the best in people, and a non-blaming approach might be a means to get her to listen long enough to be willing to try and change.

If you get to the point where you can get her to try and change, I personally would give her a second chance if she slips - unfortunately human behavior isn't the sort of thing that can be controlled like flipping a switch. She'll probably have to try a lot before she can change, but you could work on it together.

It's too bad you're in a foreign country where you don't have access to resources like family and friends. Again, best of luck to you

05-24-2005, 06:20 AM	#15 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	I agree that the situation you're describing is intolerable. Screaming is one thing I don't accept in a relationship and I commend you for your patience. My feelings stem from the fact that I had to listen to my parents screaming at each other, and I'm concerned for your daughter. I have been known to crawl in the closet and curl up in a ball when one of my past boyfriends raised his voice to me, and I've been told I may have PTSD due to my parents arguing. Of course everyone responds differently. Nobody has mentioned this, but have you considered the possibility that she could have some sort of chemical imbalance or other physiological issue? Could it be hormonal? Her behavior sounds so extreme and irrational I wonder whether there isn't something else wrong. Then again, her unwillingness to consider that she is crossing the bounds of acceptable behavior points to her upbringing. I don't know how you can get through to her on this point - maybe you could tape-record her some time and play it back for her? Perhaps a letter which she could read without the opportunity to react and start in on you, since you wouldn't be there in person? Maybe a third party could talk to her about it? If she is able to control her behavior, there has to be some way you can convey the imporance of it. Good luck to you - this has to be a very trying situation. Hmm, looks like people had the same ideas as me while I was writing. I wonder if there's any way you could get her to see a doctor for this. I had an idea for a trouble-shooting type approach. If you could sit down with her and get her to promise to listen to you without raising her voice, then you'd hopefully be able to get your feelings across. If she starts yelling, that might tell you whether she's even capable of controlling it. You could then point that out to her and possibly get her to seek outside help on that basis, whether it's medical or counseling. If she is able to sit down and keep her promise of not yelling, then that tells you something too, plus it gives you an opportunity to discuss it with her. How are you approaching her on the subject? Is there a chance you're putting it in a way that causes her to become defensive? One approach that might be productive is putting it to her in terms of you needing her help with the situation. A request for help tends to bring out the best in people, and a non-blaming approach might be a means to get her to listen long enough to be willing to try and change. If you get to the point where you can get her to try and change, I personally would give her a second chance if she slips - unfortunately human behavior isn't the sort of thing that can be controlled like flipping a switch. She'll probably have to try a lot before she can change, but you could work on it together. It's too bad you're in a foreign country where you don't have access to resources like family and friends. Again, best of luck to you Last edited by Squishor; 05-24-2005 at 07:22 AM..