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I have to agree with Mal. You're being abused by this woman, no matter how good her intentions are. Even if she's not screaming "as much" at your daughter, it's definitely unhealthy for the little one to be subjected to this.
I would say that she'll learn a lot quicker that she's wrong if you decide to live elsewhere, and her/your family also inform her of their concerns. It would be nice to have a parent raise your child, but a nanny is probably a lot healthier than your wife. I would also be tempted to record her tantrums and play them for her when she's calm. If she still doesn't understand it, then I would be packing my bags. No one deserves that... and I have a hard time believing that good times are good enough to balance that.
Good luck, and please let us know how it goes.
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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
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