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Originally Posted by chickentribs
Billege, I appreciate your thoughts and share the need for sleep... My point is that marriage does not hold the value in society today that it once did, so to give higher regard to a couple based on a marriage license doesn't make sense. It is a shame - I cringe at every episode of "The Bachelor" or "Who Wants to Marry (fill in the blank)", every week-long celeb marriage, and Defense of Marriage proponents who are on wife number 4! I don't disregard the tradition of marriage, but "til death do us part" piece is only heavy when it's true.
I know I sound cynical, but I actually have great faith in love and families because many of my friends have amazing relationships, and they wouldn't trade their love for 10 Britney Spears weddings! And they deserve all the respect I give them, even without the wedding cake.
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I pretty much agree with the above current view of marriage, except for the last part about having faith in love. Previously (and currently in some situations), marriage was (and is) as much an economic bond as it was a bond about love. Now with much of the economic impetus eroded over time, there is less need to stay in a marriage that has cooled emotions. Also, disagreements that would previously been smoothed over due to the need for economic stability now end in divorce. It seems that with much of the reason for marriage being eroded (economic) there would be a proportionate decrease in marriage, but that doesn't seem to be the case. There is no "til death do us part", it's more like "til you piss me off or I find someone better do us part". There's no real commitment now, you aren't making any sacrifice getting married. The disposability of current relationships is one of the reasons i'm horribly scared of any long term commitments myself-I realize that not only are the chances against it lasting, but when it does end, it will 4 times out of 5 be very bad and leave a bad taste about the whole relationship.
As for long engagements, I don't see the purpose of being engaged any longer than necessary to prepare the wedding. I don't find being engaged any more validating than two people who have just dated long. At most, you have made some sort of financial commitment (ring), but the cost of that can be mostly recouped if something goes wrong. If you are sure you want to marry someone, there's no reason in my mind to delay. Many people list reasons for waiting, but if you can't rely upon someone through everything why bother marrying them? If your finances aren't in order currently, why should that matter if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone? Do you plan on getting a divorce later if you get into financial difficulties until those get settled? It just seems to me that any reason for delaying a wedding is a reason to not get married in the first place.
And this isn't necessarily directed at the OP, it's just my view on marriage and long engagements in general. People should do what works best for them.