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Originally Posted by crow_daw
Now the extenuating circumstances: She does not live what you would call a happy home life by any stretch of the word. She has extreme problems with her stepdad (but no physical abuse or anything). She is terribly unhappy where she is and has nowhere else to go. Who am I to turn her away? Even if she was just a friend, I would feel as if I owe it to her to allow her to live with me, and I love this girl. But I am also very afraid that if we take this big step at this point in time, the added stress will basically dismantle our relationship. I just don't think we're ready to live together, but it's almost as if there's no other choice. I cannot turn my back on her, it's just too selfish.
Tell me this isn't a dilemma.
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Moving in together is a huge step in a relationship and shouldn't be treated as a matter of convenience. You might want to consider that she may be making more of this than is necessary as a way to latch on to you and limit your options and keep you in town. You told her that you were not ready for marriage, and that you were thinking of moving to the city for college, and suddenly there is no way she can live at home to get through high school and needs to move in with you?
There are plenty of other choices if things are that bad. The school would help her find a family to live with or there are shelters for teens that have serious issues at home (Huckleberry House, etc.). Be supportive, but don't allow her to guilt you into feeling responsible for saving her from a tough home life. Many, many people struggle with family tensions, especially at her age, and get through it just fine. Follow your instincts and don't be manipulated into something your not ready for.