raeanna74

I saw an old friend at the store last week. We chatted for quite a long time. It seems most of my childhood friends are ambitiously growing their families larger and larger. My best friend from elementary school is now waiting for her 6th child to be born any day. The friend I met at the store had 4 and is getting her tubes untied so that she can try for another while her youngest is only 4 yrs old. I've had relatives, parents and other friends ask us when our next child is gonna be coming. Our parents, both sets, seem quite understanding. As for everyone else - it's torture.

It didn't take long for her to ask when I'm gonna have my second child. I said "never". I told her that we wanted to get one of us fixed and just hadn't decided who or how yet. We have our reasons but I hate having to explain them. Most of the time once I've explained our reasons people at least accept it but until then I get the complaint that I'm not being fair to my daughter. They say she needs another sibling to play with, she won't learn to share, she's be selfish, she'll be bossy, she'll be lonely... on and on. The thing that bothers me most is that they're predicting DIRE results of our decision. Our daughter can grow to be independant, compassionate, and generous without having to deal with a younger sibling. I'm not even sure how to deal with people who say such things. I feel like I'm defending my daughter's character because they're practically saying she'll grow up messed up just because she never had a brother to hit her, break her toys, or take her stuff.

Our reasons for not attempting to conceive another child are numerous. One reason is my physical health. I had such edema during my first pregnancy that I could not see my ankles for half of the nine months. I also couldn't feel my hands for a good three months. I have carpal tunnel and the edema made it so bad that my hands were completely numb. Also I have already gotten a hernia as an indirect result of my last pregnancy. Another pregnancy that were to stretch me so much again would likely cause a hernia - perhaps even during pregnancy. Also I had a c-section after 23 hours of labor the last time. I do not relish the ordeal again. Also I must say that infants scare hubby. Their crying sends him into a panic worse than most parents experience. In tha situation he's not a great help. So consider, a crying infant, panicing father, and mother with a painful c-section (and in tears because of the pain) trying to change the infant because the father refuses to handle her. NOT what I'm going to put myself through again. Also one can include the costs of c-section delivery, recovery, lost income, and additional cost of diapers, and clothes. We're not interested in complicating our lives further.

Perhaps we rest a lot of hope and parental joy on our daughters shoulders but she seems to carry it well. She's a great child and smart. We're satisfied with her.

I hate going into detail for every person who asks "when's the next one?" but none of them seem pleased when we say "We're content with one." They all tell us how great multiple children are for them but not how great it is for the kids. Yet they seem to think that we are depraiving our child of companionship. In that case though I have a home childcare and she has friends that are practically sisters but without some of the less fun parts of sisterhood. How do you deal with it? How do you explain WITHOUT explaining in detail? It's frustrating, and irritating.

Thanks for listening.

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