Hey abaya,
She would definitely tell you that it was the distance because we really were a pretty tight couple when I moved. I wonder though if it is that easy. On my side I noticed pretty quickly that there were some trust issues that she had that began to eat at her and that was tough for me to take. I should explain… R was very outgoing and social with many friends both guy and girl. (She was in university when we met) In 6 years there was never any question between either of us as we watched many friends cheat and lie to each other, and we both loved that were “above” those games.
After only a couple of weeks out there our conversations started to feel interrogational and it made things seem less special between us – for me. I felt that my integrity earned over years was discounted pretty readily. So I wonder, did the distance create this thing or did it expose it? I still couldn’t tell you today. I was working a lot and after long days at a tough job and lonely I just wanted a friendly voice. Instead it was thinly veiled accusations and demands about wanting me to fly back to visit a lot. I am sure R thought that it showed how much she missed me, it can be a thin line…
Fortunately at least the work came with decent money and after paying my way through school and living literally pizza to pizza for a long time it was hard to believe that my work had paid off. (this is weird to talk about $ but bear with me…) I am sure this would make sense to many guys – I never felt bad for myself because I didn’t have money, but dragging somebody you love alongside you through the rough spots is gut wrenching. I wanted to show-off a bit I suppose and started to send watches and jewelry instead of myself when I had to work. It sounds horribly tacky, but I truly thought she would be excited for my success. In her mind I had become the typical LA asshole who figured presents in lieu o love. Maybe I had?
Back in the lean years I would steal ugly ashtrays for her – it kind of became a game between us. I saw a great one on Venice Beach, snagged it went back to Ohio and found out she was already sleeping with some broke glass blower. Point. Set. Match.
I held onto that damn ashtray for a long time. It made me chuckle. So that’s about it – I don't know if it helps you, but it felt good getting some of this out. Thanks -
You asked about marriage and if it would have made a difference. I don’t see it. We spent too much time watching other couples get married after 1 year /divorced after 1
Mid-late 20’s I referred to my Dicken’s years:
Friend’s Wedding in morning, Friend’s Divorce in the afternoon.
(These were the best of times, these were the worst of times.)
