StephenSa

Well heck! I just typed out a long well tought out reply and my damn computer crashes and I've got to start over! GRRRRRR!
Anyhoo, thanks for the replies and advice. As Maleficent pointed out this isn't the first time my wife and I have crossed the weight issue. This time though she is hurt quite deeply and for this I am truly sorry. I guess the difference is that this time the weight was connected to sexual attraction where before it wasn't. My wife apparantly connects sexual intimacy to love much more than I could have imagined. As for me the two, while connected are very different issues with emotional love being far more important than sex. As I said, I don't have a big sex drive. Before I met my wife I went for almost eight years without sex and was fine with it. It just seemed like more trouble than it was worth. That being said I need a LOT of stimulation to get me in the mood. Since her weight gain my wife doesn't wear sexy lingerie, won't take romantic baths with me, and makes no effort to "light my fire." I understand this. She doesn't feel good about her body so she hides it and she doesn't initiate sex for fear of her sexless doofus husband shooting her down. I take responsibility for the downward spiral of our sex life. Still though, she was aware before we got married that my sex drive was tiny compared to hers and that physical appearance was a big deal with me. We talked about it often. When we met I worked out obsessively and we've been making plans for me to change careers and go into the health and fitness field so she knows my take on this. She frequently (daily) over the past few months commented on her weight and its connection to our lack of sex. I really thought she was ready to sit down, talk about it and work toward making our relationship better. I suppose I did accomplish something in that I now understand better how she views sex and how much she ties that in with love. I never realized that because to me sex just isn't a big deal. I love her because of who she is, her mind, her thoughts, her kindness, her humour and her wonderful smile. That to me is love. Sex I see as physical and yes, when the physical package changes sex for me changes as well. If her mind and heart suddenly changed, if she suddenly became a regimented, grim, humorless harpie nobody would would question if my feelings changed for her but for some reason to have physical issues ( which don't change my love for her) makes one a bad person. I love my wife dearly. Nothing has changed with that. The weight issue in our sex life was only a part of the problem and unfortunately the manner in which I chose to address it has only made things worse. I've apologized, apologized again, and further yet apologized. She is just in a very bad place right now and I'd gnaw my right arm off to fix it. I'm hoping with time it will get better but I fear that will be a large amount of time. If it goes on much longer I might suggest we try counseling to hash it all out. Thanks again for the advice and support.

__________________
Thousands of Monkeys, all screaming at once. Pulling God's finger.