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Originally Posted by raeanna74
As for the "doing things" for you guys - I'm talking about things such as, baking, dusting your electronics, picking up your tools, sweeping your shop, etc. Things that are for the GUY only. Things that take effort and that should be appreciated. There is no intent in guilt or to create a indebtedness. There is only a desire to please and when you don't express any pleasure at having things easier to find, cleaner, or good food on the table then we loose the desire to do ANYTHING you want.
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You know what, Raeanna? I think StanT has a point here... a lot of guys (not all, but a fair amount, and pretty much all of the men that I have come into contact with) really DON'T want you to bake, dust, pick up, etc. and that's why they wouldn't do it if you didn't do it. But they also won't complain if you clean up their mess. At the same time, many will not thank you (again, some do), because they are perfectly fine living without all of those things. So I wouldn't assume that they "want" you to do those things, because assumptions are just uncommunicated expectations, and those are trouble in a relationship.
For me, I try to get farther away from that "desire to please," because often, the things that I do to "please" are really just attempts to have control and attention. The times when I sincerely do something in order to please the other person, it doesn't bother me if they don't thank me, because I am just glad to see them happy (and ironically, most of the time this is when they thank me and I least expect it!)
Now, I feel very uncomfortable living in a mess, and this will be an issue that my bf and I have to deal with eventually, since I will not pick up his stuff and I don't expect him to pick up mine. If we are sharing a space (e.g. living together), though, I expect us both to be grown-up enough at that point to pick up our own stuff and manage a good-looking shared living space, and a place that we would both feel comfortable bringing friends and family home to.
If we were in the situation that you are in, Raeanna, I think I would be miserable and want out of there... and in fact, we WERE in that situation when we were stuck living together prematurely, for 5 months, and I nearly broke up with him at the end.
I really think that neatness compatibility (regardless of gender) is as important as sexual compatibility; it can make or break the relationship, even after (or especially after) marriage. Maybe I should start a separate thread...