Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Should emotional love overide body issues? I have an issue.

Sweetpea · 05-11-2005, 08:43 PM

First, tell her you're sorry. that is the absolute first thing to do. Even though i don't think what you said was particulary your fault, it will help your wife open up to you again.

I would like to say Sexual attraction is not about LOVE . . .

My husband does not have sex with me because he "loves" me . . . nor do i need it for validation that he cares about me, some people use sex as validation that their partner loves them.
People need to learn to seperate sex and love.

Loving someone and your sex life together are related but two different things.
I'm a woman and I GET that, some women don't, it's too emotional for them.

I see nothing wrong with you Feeling that you are less attracted to her because of the weight, that doesn't make you a bad person, you cannot 'make' yourself atracted to someone when you aren't, no matter how much love is involved, LOVE and SEX = two different things IMHO . . . But you're going to have to be very careful when addressing this with your wife, as i am sure she has allot of emotions wrapped around her weight and self esteem, and as you noted, she was doing emotional eating during the period of time where there wasn't any sex for other reasons.

Communicate, communicate.

People can be very irrational when it comes to addressing their weight . . . it's very emotional.

I had the reverse situation.

My husband whom i love dearly had gained some weight and wasn't working out like he used to. I just told him straight up that i was feeling less attracted to him sexually, becuase that is how i was honestly feeling. He handled it well, said he knew full well and didn't feel very good about himself either and has since started working out and lost the extra weight. But did i love him any less?? No way. I was just as devoted and loving, just not as sexual when he was at a heavier weight . . . i couldn't help it, i just wasn't as attracted.

does your wife seem depressed? If she is using food to make herself feel better . . . maybe getting to the bottom of what's happening will help. Has she thought about seeking therapy, not about her weight, but about what's bothering her??

at any rate . . . talk, talk, talk. Reconnect with her . . . and if she cries when you try to talk about things that are bothering her. . . write it out in a note and give it to her to read alone and then come back later and talk about how what you wrote made her feel.

Sweet Pea

05-11-2005, 08:43 PM	#9 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	First, tell her you're sorry. that is the absolute first thing to do. Even though i don't think what you said was particulary your fault, it will help your wife open up to you again. I would like to say Sexual attraction is not about LOVE . . . My husband does not have sex with me because he "loves" me . . . nor do i need it for validation that he cares about me, some people use sex as validation that their partner loves them. People need to learn to seperate sex and love. Loving someone and your sex life together are related but two different things. I'm a woman and I GET that, some women don't, it's too emotional for them. I see nothing wrong with you Feeling that you are less attracted to her because of the weight, that doesn't make you a bad person, you cannot 'make' yourself atracted to someone when you aren't, no matter how much love is involved, LOVE and SEX = two different things IMHO . . . But you're going to have to be very careful when addressing this with your wife, as i am sure she has allot of emotions wrapped around her weight and self esteem, and as you noted, she was doing emotional eating during the period of time where there wasn't any sex for other reasons. Communicate, communicate. People can be very irrational when it comes to addressing their weight . . . it's very emotional. I had the reverse situation. My husband whom i love dearly had gained some weight and wasn't working out like he used to. I just told him straight up that i was feeling less attracted to him sexually, becuase that is how i was honestly feeling. He handled it well, said he knew full well and didn't feel very good about himself either and has since started working out and lost the extra weight. But did i love him any less?? No way. I was just as devoted and loving, just not as sexual when he was at a heavier weight . . . i couldn't help it, i just wasn't as attracted. does your wife seem depressed? If she is using food to make herself feel better . . . maybe getting to the bottom of what's happening will help. Has she thought about seeking therapy, not about her weight, but about what's bothering her?? at any rate . . . talk, talk, talk. Reconnect with her . . . and if she cries when you try to talk about things that are bothering her. . . write it out in a note and give it to her to read alone and then come back later and talk about how what you wrote made her feel. Sweet Pea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself" Last edited by sweetpea; 05-11-2005 at 08:49 PM..