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as a woman, I will do my best to answer your questions.
No, I don't think you are a bad person for wanting your thin sexy wife back, I bet SHE wants her old self back too. but, you are not the person you were before either..and she still loves you and wants to make love to you. So, how hurtful do you think it is to her, when she already hates herself and may not find YOU as attractive as before, but she loves you enough to look past it....but you can't do the same for her.
There is no easy way to go about a weight discussion. both my husband and I have gained a lot of weight..together. And we too had to have the discussion that things need to change, and it is not a comfortable discussion to have.
I do feel that in your marriage, your love for that person should override physical disgust and weight gain should never lead to divorce. But, she needs to be accepting and understanding of your viewpoint. I see that you made the effort to show her that you aren't happy with you either, and that you want to work on it together.
Give it time..show her in any way you can that you love her and want to be with her.
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How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
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