maleficent

A part of my soul...

In the year 1969, I entered the doors of Mrs Stanson's kindergarden class, 4 years old and trying to be brave, but the shyness that I have to this day, was much more pronounced then. I got thru the first day without talking to a soul, the second day, a boy in a Winnie the Pooh polo shirt (it was way cooler than it sounds now) became my cubby buddy, ya know that person you have to share your cubby hole with. His name was Tommy. Tommy and I got thru Mrs S's class sharing crayons, learning to tie our shoes and sing the alphabet (I already knew how to do that though, so I helped him).

Thru the next 8 years, as we went from Sister Mary Richard's class, to Sister Aggie's class, thru Mrs' Tee's class, thru all the grades of that school, we stayed friends. There were other minor friends during this time, but Tommy was the one I could have lunch with, or go to recess with if no one else was around.

In high school, we went to different schools, he went to the boys parochial school 3 towns away, I went to the girls school,4 towns away, this was before the days of cheapie phone service, cell phones, and email, but yet we managed to keep in touch, and stay friends.

After my first year of high school, my dad changed jobs and we up and moved from NJ, to Connecticut, not all that far away, but without email/cheap long distance, etc... Tommy and I tried to stay in touch, but lost contact after about 2 years. Onward to college, my second day at the first college I attended (it took me two days to realize this school was a huge mistake for me) I heard a very familiar voice while at a party. I turned around and was speechless. Tom was back in my life. Tom made that first semester bearable, but we both realized that we had made a mistake in the choice if institutions and we transferring, so as fast as he came back into my life, after the semester finished, he headed to maryland, I headed to Massachussets.

Thru letters, we kept in touch as best as possible... Summer and school vacations had us trying to get internships in the same locations, trying to spend time with a friend. But it didn't always happen, some time during those years we lost touch again, but he was never out of my heart, after college, in the real working world, I was in my first few weeks of a new job, and walked into a meeting, and there he was again... We both worked for the same company for over a year, and never lost touch again... Our friendship managed to hold on for a good 10 more years.

in those 10 years, he was the friend to me unlike a friend I've never had, I'm not a talker, it's not easy to get to know me, it's not easy to get me to open up, Tom knew all my secrets, he was and is the only person in my life who I trusted without any hesitation at all. It was a two way street as well, I had all his stories, and was there for him during the good times, and especially the bad times. There were late night phone calls, hours spent over bottles of wine just talking.

During one traumatic incident in my life, he was the one person I knew I could call, and I didn't expect anything, he was on a plane and at my side within a few hours, because, as he put it, that's what friends do. The favor was returned a few years later, and I realized that he was right, that is what friends do, your friends don't let you be alone.

He also taught me something else, from the first day of kindergarden, to later in life --we were opposites, I was the shy person who hung out in the corners, he was the outgoing life of the party. He helped me to come out of my shell a bit in high school and college and get involved in athletics, I never liked the spotlight, but I didn't run from it. Tom accepted me for who I was, and never ever cared that I wasn't cool, or wasn't A List like he was. He liked me for me and that was all that mattered.

In the later years, I was living in lower manhattan while he worked on Wall Street, there were many times I'd come out of my bedroom and he'd be on my sofa sound alseep, he'd worked late and missed his last train home. It was always nice seeing him there with his rumpled hair, snoring on the sofa. It used to make me smile.

Then that fateful day came... It was a beautiful morning, and I wish with every fiber of my being that I had not been out of the country, and had been home, the day was so nice, maybe a game of golf would have been on the menu... Tom had gone to work on the 82nd floor of the World Trade Center... a place just a few years before I called my place of employment. I got an email from him that morning, him giving me shit about n ot having coffee in the house (I was going to be gone for 4 weeks) and that was the last I head from him.

September 11, it's said, changed the world forever, I know it changed me forever, it's selfish, but not only did I lose my best friend, but I lost a very important part of my soul. The world is a definitely a much darker place for not having Tom as a part of it, his smile could light up a room, he always made time for people, he always made them feel important. Genuine is the best word to describe him.

I can't tell you how many times, in the weeks and months following, even now I still catch myself doing... For a few weeks after, I'd call his answering machine just to hear his voice. (His dad told me that I wasn't the only one who did this) Or how many times in the weeks, months, and even now sometimes, I'd want to pick up the phone, or dash off an email because I saw somehting, or heard something that I thought he would appreciate, or just because I wanted to say Hi.

I've lost many people through out my life, as much of a strained relationship I have with my parents, they are still with me, I havent had a grandparent since high school, I've lost other friends to drunk drivers, suicides, and other accidents, but Toms death was a loss like no other I have experienced, and never hope to again, he was a part of my soul.

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