rat

No link to this one, it's from my own personal experiences this evening. A dead opossum that had been placed in the tree of my dorm 2 days ago was the recipient of the cigarette. At an unknown (to me) time, the opossum was removed from the tree and ducktaped to a pole as the "dorm mascot." He was neither mutilated nore disfigured, but simply dead of unknown reasons when discovered in our tree two days ago. The person(s) responsible are unknown to me at this time, and they adorned him with an empty pack of Camel cigarettes and a paper cup along with some mardi gras beads. This was done while I was verifiably not on campus grounds, let alone participating in this act. It was not done as cruel, but simply because the people involved thought it had comedic value. I do not defend their actions, but simply recite the facts to my knowledge.

Roughly three to four hours after this occurred, I came home from the store, and went out to our benches to have a cigarette. As a complete joke, I lit a cigarette and put it in the opossum's mouth. The wind was blowing hard enough the cigarette continued to burn at a good rate, so I sarcastically said, "Look, he's smoking the cigarette! He's alive!"

Enter the University Police Department. The pull me aside and ask for my identification. I politely ask if I can know why they are asking for my identification as I was under the impression that I had done nothing illegal. They threaten me with arrest for non-compliance when I simply want to know the reason for handing over my driver's license and student ID. I was neither rude nor combative, simply curious. They tell me I'll be charged with cruelty to animals for "increasing and adding to the suffering of that opossum." I calmly ask them whether they are aware that the opossum has been verifiably dead for over two days sitting in a tree not fifteen feet away. To this they respond, "Then how is he smoking the cigarette like you said?" needless to say, I'm flabbergasted. I don't let it show but politely explain to them that it was a joke, and apparently an ill-timed and crass one. They try to continue strong-arming me and ask if I know who put it on the pole (which I honestly don't...). I explain to them in detail that my whereabouts while it was being placed on the pole are not only ironclad and verifiable by 6-8 bars across the street (I was out job hunting for the summer), but I can provide names of mulitple bartenders and bank tellers that I spoke with while there, with specific times of entry and exit. The cops take pictures, call in my driver's license, then have me dispose of the opossum.

Then they pull me over to the car and have me make a written statement regarding my entire knowledge of the incident, saying there's a good possibility I could still be charged with cruelty to animals, a Class A misdemeanor. Here's the pursuant penal code from my state:

Nowhere that I have found in there regards the actions taken against the corpse of a discovered animal at any time. Additionally, they said I was "torturing" the opossum--despite it having died more than 2 days prior, with dozens of witnesses to the effect as we discovered him. Am I missing something? Is this any worse than beer commercials that had placed beer cans in the dead hands of an armadillo and broadcast it nationally?

Now, don't take this wrong. I'm not defending the actions of those responsible for the display, nor am I defending the placement of a lit cigarette in a opossum. However, I don't see any part of the law that was breached by my actions. Was it right? probably not. Was it legal? as far as I can see and have researched. Just wondering if I missed something.

The icing on the cake was sitting there writing my statement and having the cops lecture me how they were hunters and they didn't appreciate the desecration of animals. Wait a second...lifelong hunters these guys. But they failed to use common sense and realize that a live rodent, especially a bound one, would not let you put a lit cigarette in its mouth without getting bit? that a live rodent wouldn't sit there and take drags off a fucking cigarette? I mean, jesus, that thing would have been fighting for its life, not calmly taking a drag off my Marlboro No. 27 cigarette.

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