rat

No link to this one, it's from my own personal experiences this evening. A dead opossum that had been placed in the tree of my dorm 2 days ago was the recipient of the cigarette. At an unknown (to me) time, the opossum was removed from the tree and ducktaped to a pole as the "dorm mascot." He was neither mutilated nore disfigured, but simply dead of unknown reasons when discovered in our tree two days ago. The person(s) responsible are unknown to me at this time, and they adorned him with an empty pack of Camel cigarettes and a paper cup along with some mardi gras beads. This was done while I was verifiably not on campus grounds, let alone participating in this act. It was not done as cruel, but simply because the people involved thought it had comedic value. I do not defend their actions, but simply recite the facts to my knowledge.

Roughly three to four hours after this occurred, I came home from the store, and went out to our benches to have a cigarette. As a complete joke, I lit a cigarette and put it in the opossum's mouth. The wind was blowing hard enough the cigarette continued to burn at a good rate, so I sarcastically said, "Look, he's smoking the cigarette! He's alive!"

Enter the University Police Department. The pull me aside and ask for my identification. I politely ask if I can know why they are asking for my identification as I was under the impression that I had done nothing illegal. They threaten me with arrest for non-compliance when I simply want to know the reason for handing over my driver's license and student ID. I was neither rude nor combative, simply curious. They tell me I'll be charged with cruelty to animals for "increasing and adding to the suffering of that opossum." I calmly ask them whether they are aware that the opossum has been verifiably dead for over two days sitting in a tree not fifteen feet away. To this they respond, "Then how is he smoking the cigarette like you said?" needless to say, I'm flabbergasted. I don't let it show but politely explain to them that it was a joke, and apparently an ill-timed and crass one. They try to continue strong-arming me and ask if I know who put it on the pole (which I honestly don't...). I explain to them in detail that my whereabouts while it was being placed on the pole are not only ironclad and verifiable by 6-8 bars across the street (I was out job hunting for the summer), but I can provide names of mulitple bartenders and bank tellers that I spoke with while there, with specific times of entry and exit. The cops take pictures, call in my driver's license, then have me dispose of the opossum.

Then they pull me over to the car and have me make a written statement regarding my entire knowledge of the incident, saying there's a good possibility I could still be charged with cruelty to animals, a Class A misdemeanor. Here's the pursuant penal code from my state:

Nowhere that I have found in there regards the actions taken against the corpse of a discovered animal at any time. Additionally, they said I was "torturing" the opossum--despite it having died more than 2 days prior, with dozens of witnesses to the effect as we discovered him. Am I missing something? Is this any worse than beer commercials that had placed beer cans in the dead hands of an armadillo and broadcast it nationally?

Now, don't take this wrong. I'm not defending the actions of those responsible for the display, nor am I defending the placement of a lit cigarette in a opossum. However, I don't see any part of the law that was breached by my actions. Was it right? probably not. Was it legal? as far as I can see and have researched. Just wondering if I missed something.

The icing on the cake was sitting there writing my statement and having the cops lecture me how they were hunters and they didn't appreciate the desecration of animals. Wait a second...lifelong hunters these guys. But they failed to use common sense and realize that a live rodent, especially a bound one, would not let you put a lit cigarette in its mouth without getting bit? that a live rodent wouldn't sit there and take drags off a fucking cigarette? I mean, jesus, that thing would have been fighting for its life, not calmly taking a drag off my Marlboro No. 27 cigarette.

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Seeker

Do you have any friends that have any friends in the department? If not, the arts? Because really, it sounds to me like it's a continuum of the joke.

If not, it must have been a slow day... seriously, I'm confused.

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connyosis

Maybe the dead opossums family reported this to the authorities...
Only thing that would make sense to me.

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Phage

Yes, it does sound like you just got pranked. Surely they must have been having a hard time keeping straight faces watching you squirm and get angry at the absurdity. While I can fathom a certain amount of official disapproval of taping dead animals to poles, who cares of they are indulging in vices? I would be more concerned about how a dead possum stayed around long enough to be 'abused'.

Charlatan

Many campus police officers have too much time on their hands.

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AngelicVampire

(3) "Cruel manner" includes a manner that causes or
permits unjustified or unwarranted pain or suffering.

Your way out: The animal was dead therefore could not feel pain or suffer, as such you did not commit this act. Still it was a stupid thing to do, and proably cruel (why not bury/leave the thing to decompose?)

Phage

Why not skin it and wear it around has a hat? Humor is as good a purpose as any to put a dead animal toward, and not all jokes are very good. Just be happy that in death the possum was a part of a higher form of thought than it was capable in life.

Besides, for it to be 'cruel' there still must be pain and suffering which there was not.

Carno

And people wonder how anyone could hate cops....

You should get their badge numbers and file a complaint for harassment. And write a scathing letter to their superior officer.

healer

I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the donut shop that closed early that day.

KinkyKiwi

i second this ^

and it was dead. i dont think it cared if you buried it or not..or if you made the dead thing smoke...(tho hanging a dead animal is just gross) was cruel to it.

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Strange Famous

I dont want to come accross as a jerk, but in a situation like that if you act really humble and submissive.... you would avoid a lot of trouble... most times when you are confronted with an authority figure, if you act the smart ass they will too and if you are cringing and apologetic, they'll let you go... certainly in these cases when you do something wrong that really isnt THAT wrong.

As for putting a lit cigarette in the mouth of an animal carcas... just in my opinion... tastless - yes, illegal - no.

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Ripsaw

I cite bad timing. Exactly how loud was the "Look, he's smoking the cigarette! He's alive!" comment? Were the cops standing right next to you? Were they around when you discovered your furry deceased friend? To someone who just walks up to the scene, you are pointing and laughing at a smoking rodent wearing mardi-gras beads, not a two day old fermenting cute corpse that appears to have a wind fueled cig in his mouth. It doesn't matter where you were when he was put there, it matters that you were there, and the cops were there. Good joke, I would have laughed, but bad timing.

Too many people put down "the man." "The man" is just trying to do his/her job.

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Phage

Yes, this usually works. On the other hand he should not have to cringe and submit to an authority figure when they have no justification. Making passive submission the norm is a recipe for disaster in society, inviting corruption and exploitation.

I agree, there are far too many people attacking the "pigs" for trying to do their jobs, unfortunately they appeared to have made a moral judgement without any legal backing. By doing this they overstepped their authority and were in the wrong.

Strange Famous

well, yeah... you shouldnt have too... but it just a lot easier if you do. I guess you can tie it in with choosing between the way the world should be and the way the world is.

In this case, clearly the actions are unpleasant, and I cant see any reason for them to be illegal... so you have a choice between making yourself humble or taking the road of mroal superiority... Im not really gonna diss anyone's path, but being honest with myself I know which one I'd take.

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Lebell

Section c)2) (2) "Animal[0]" means a domesticated living creature and
wild living creature previously captured.

Your creature was not alive at the time, so no crime occured.

It sounds like you just ran into some assholes who feel like intimidating you. Even though the law is clear, you may need an attorney to force the issue. If what you say is true however, there should be no way that they can prove the opposum was alive at the time of the incident while you can produce witnesses that say it was dead.

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Zeraph

"SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking may lead to cruelty to animals."

reiii

wow, once again I find myself laughing audibly in the middle of the library due to tfp. Your story is hilarious, the cops were idiots, and I severely doubt you get charged.

best dorm mascot ever.

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Seer666

The more I hear, the more I hate people. The cigarette thing, while in poor taste, is funny though. Course, I like poor taste. It's my kind of hummor.

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F-18_Driver

Since I despise two-bit authority figures who try to push others around, I'd have probably invited them to write me up. I certainly wouldn't have heeded their instruction to dispose of the opossum.

That said, he might not want to dwell too much on the number of bartenders he'd dealt with recently.

StickODynomite

First,I'd like to say that the cops were idiots and hypocrits (hunters?.. c'mon) and that they really have nothing on you, as some people have already mentioned.. (i think it may have been a prank)

Ok, now that that's out of the way..
I don't think any animal lover (or anyone that respects animals in genenral) will agree that making a joke out of a dead animal is a good purpose for it (and.. well, neither is making a hat out of it).

I have to say that sort of joke sickens me, it's just immature and gross and the lit cig was a tasteless addition to that joke.
But as far as we can tell what you did is not illegal.

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Biscuit Buns

This is going to come across incredibly tasteless of me, but I have to say that I laughed my ass off. You're a great story-teller. It's not something I, personally, would have done and I certainly wouldn't give the cops any flack for taking it so seriously, but I do appreciate the way you told the story.

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Astrocloud

My personal experience with cops is that they aren't really interested in the truth but rather trying to frame people for things that never happened. An incident 12 years ago comes to mind when some cops pulled me over and tried to get me to admit to stealing my own car. They were strong arming me in a similar matter.

"Why won't you just admit it?"
"Because I didn't steal my own car"
"Just admit it because we know you did."
"I didn't do anything."

This went on for like twenty minutes -before they admitted some mistake on their part and left.

Phage

Echh... One incident does not apply to everyone in the world, and generalities like that lead to the authority-hating malcontents that are all too common in today's society. I would say that most people who put up with the long hours, poor pay, dangerous conditions, and almost always obnoxious and sometimes violent "customers" do so because they believe what they are doing is right and important to society. A few bad apples does not make the whole barrel; you might as well have said "I had a bad experience with some people, therefore most people are malicious bastards."

Unfortunately if you stay on the right side of the law you will only come in contact with them when they make a mistake like they did with you, and you miss all the times they are saving your property and life as you obliviously go about your business.

squirrelyburt

Camels...Everyone knows that possum prefer Marbs!!!

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