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Originally Posted by Gilda
I can't understand the, "It means more if I say it less" attitude. This makes it sound as if your love for another person is a finite quantity, and every time you tell her "I love you," you use some of that love up, but if you say it less, each one contains more love. Every time I tell Grace I love her, I mean it equally.
I also can't quite connect to the, "I don't say it; I show it with my actions." These two things aren't mutually exclusive. You can show your love through what you do and tell the other person you love them often.
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It's not that it means more if said less. Holding back an emotion doesn't make that emotion more valuable and it doesn't mean I mean it any less after it's expressed. It just seems to me that when it becomes a matter of habit rather than a true expression of feelings, it cheapens the sentiment behind the words.
Words are cheap. My best friend's father had no problems telling him that he loved him very much, but his actions said differently. When he got drunk and beat the crap out of him and his mother, the sobbing afterward did very little to heal the bruises. In the end, his father loved him so much, that he walked out on him 15 years ago and hasn't bothered to even contact his son despite the fact they live about hour away from each other. Words are easy and they don't cost a thing. I can say I'm sorry, I love you, I apologize and express every given emotion to mankind, but it doesn't mean a thing unless I really am sorry, or love you, or apologize. Words and actions are all perfectly fine ways for expressing sentiment, but they are not equal.
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One last thought. Isn't part of loving someone doing things that show your love? And if you're with someone who needs the words, wouldn't telling them be one of those things you could do to show your love?
There are days I'd kill to hear my father tell me, just once, that he loves me.
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But what if he didn't really mean it? Are the words salvation to the psyche or is it the intent behind it?
What I don't understand, and like you said, I'm not criticizing, is the need for constant validation. Isn't it enough to know that they love you through their actions? What makes the words as equally powerful?
I guess, what I'm trying to ask is....Does someone need to constantly tell you it's raining outside for you to believe it? Isn't what you see out the window more convincing than anything that comes out of the other's mouth?