Janey

I think that if you come down on him as well as the school, he's going to feel persecuted and become resentful. If it was me, I would be looking for some sort of understanding, not punishment. I think he already understands what he should not have done, and probably will learn from it going forward. As you said, he is already getting a school sanctioned time-out. Maybe just a quiet conversation with him, no groundings, no revocation of priviledges, but just a conversation about the event. (how would you discuss it withyour hubby, if he got into a shoving match at work?)

I think your son may react more positively if he sees that you are willing to deal with him at a higher level than a young kid.

If you still think it's a good idea to add punishment, it may be a good idea to have him bringing all his school work home for a week, to review regardless if he has homework in the subject. And review it with him, sort of like micro manageing him. Have him spend enough time going over his notes (sell it like : this is how adults do it in university) that he doesn't have time left over for video/computer games. After all, bed time for a 13 yr old has to be around 9:30 latest so they can get their required 10 hrs of sleep per night.

oh yes, last point: make sure you and hubby are on the same page with respect to your reaction. If necessary, lay down the law with hubby as to how to treat a young teenager, and how united parenting is critical.