I don't have any input on your behavioral questions, but I have a suggestion about shaving.
When I was a little older than your daughter my friends all shaved but I wasn't allowed to. I really wanted to, and the only reason I wanted to was because my friends did -- the same reason that, after a friend of mine started her period for the first time, I wanted to as well. I was in a rush to grow up. But now that I am old enough to put more consideration into my decisions, I have realized that things like shaving and wearing make-up are all very personal decisions -- and also completely optional. Your daughter may not want to shave at all. I think it would be good for her (self-esteem wise) if you did not tell her she needs to shave. She should make the decision herself when she is older. Telling her that she needs to shave might give her the impression that her natural bodily appearance, functions, etc., are dirty/gross and need to be changed. Your daughter will be much happier if you teach her to love herself for who she is, hair and all, and if you give her the option to choose whether she wants to shave at a later time -- when you and she both feel that she is ready. I would examine her reasons for wanting to shave though, because if they were anything like mine, there isn't much thought going into it.
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