Sage

Let me start off my saying I don't have a kid. So I can't totally relate to what you're saying.

But, my mother (who is one of the greatest people on the planet) told me when I got about 18 that she was carrying around a lot of guilt about my childhood- she wished it had been better. I looked at her like she was crazy and said "mom, I had the best childhood anyone could want!" So keep in mind it's a matter of perspective.

Anyway, it sounds like you're in conflict with yourself over how you're raising your kid. She's becoming a teenager, and is maturing (thus the body hair and the "going on 35 bit") and you're not sure what to do.
About the shaving: why, if you feel she should shave, doesn't she shave? Why is she too young to shave if she's got enough body hair to warrant shaving? Shouldn't shaving depend on how much body hair you have, and not how old you are?
About the taking her to school with you: Well, what else can you do? If you communicate with her, and tell her that you are taking her to school with you because you have no other option, it's not like she's gonna be upset, because she understands that you're doing it in her best interest. (yeah, she might whine a bit, but trust me, she'll understand) Is there a neighbor or one of her friends that you would feel comfortable leaving her with for a few nights a week when you go to school? That way she doesn't have to go to school with you every night, just some nights.
As to the being grounded: kids do stupid stuff. Hell, if it was a bright red lipstick, I can totally understand why she wrote what she did (too young to want to write "redrum" I suppose). Every kid needs disicpline, that's how they learn right from wrong. Have you talked to her about what she did? Perhaps asked why she did it? Say "It's nice to play with things, but you need to think more about what you do before you do it."

You're doing the best job you can- that's all anyone can ask of their parents. Have you talked to your husband about this? You both should be communicating as to how you feel about your daughter. Have you talked to your daughter about everything that is affecting her as she's maturing? Have you and your husband both taken time to be with her and let her know that you love her no matter what she does?

COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER! It's always the best way to solve any problem!

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