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I don't rub myself during sex much because usually if my legs are apart there's not much cushioning between the clit and the pubic bone. That means there will be too much stimulation for me and there's no way I can have an orgasm like that. I have no idea whether this could be a factor for your wife - I also like a lot of stimulation, just not that type. I also have found that after many many years of frequent masturbation, my body really is conditioned to respond to exactly what my hand does and it's very dificult for me to have an orgasm any other way. It's frustrating because I can get myself off in under a minute but when somebody else tries, it seems to be quite the challenge. Then again it's always more exciting and feels better even without the orgasm, so it doesn't always matter much. It does seem like you could suggest it to her and see what that leads to. Until I was told otherwise, I kind of thought it would be taken as rude or something if I masturbated during sex - she might feel the same way.
I have no idea whether any of that was even remotely helpful for you but your wife sounds a little like me.
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