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I'm not sure that 'forgiving' is the thing you need to do. By the sound of it you need to 'accept' that that was how he was, and that was how your parents chose to deal with it. Once there is acceptance it will be easier to define yourself in your life. This will enable you to protect yourself from these things that you don't agree with.
If nothing else, you have experienced and defined what you do not want in your life, take strength from that.
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To those who wander but who are not lost...
~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.
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