That's right! Since PETA keeps making these naughty and wholly depressing ads about the horrors of consuming animal flesh, America's Beef Producers have taken it upon themselves to create a
website targeted specifically at a previously untapped, yet potentially crucial demographic: TEENAGE GIRLS! It's true! A daily dose of meat does not only have to be acquired through a simple injection!
Yes siree! Since the girls of today will most likely be the family grocery shopper of tomorrow, let's hook'em while they're young through some glittery, sneaky, self-esteem boosting messages that subtly point to meat as the one true answer! However, perhaps through some lack of research, they seemed to have failed to target goth girls, who need the iron and would enjoy the blood anyway.
Kids who prefer to dig on swine can also come
here for a taste of the other white meat.
Yes... the Internet is truly a beautiful place. Fortunately, jaded, cynical, future Onion writers will be overjoyed to know that the Web can and does redeem itself right
here ... don't forget to check out the kid's section!