thebeat

ok here is deal, i think i just need to get some of this stuff of my chest and what better place than here at ye ol` TFP. My thoughts will come out randomly so please bare with me.

Basically as I continue to get older, i am currently 22. I have a full-time job, doing something I loved doing back when I was a teenager. Im in the media, a local celebrity if you will which has its perks, however the money is absoulte shit. I'm 200 miles away from my fiancee, we've been together for nearly 5 years, which is really tough because my personal life here consists solely of myself, and the occasional friend. I'm interested in finding a more fullfilling/challenging job, however im limited to what I can do because radio is really the only thing I know how to do, its all i've done since i was 14. My fiancee graduates from college with a degree in business (logistics/transportation) specifically and Im hoping she can land a good job which would give me some more freedom as to where i can perhaps try some new things.

I went to college for 2 years, however, I quit, or basically I got kicked out due to grades because at the time I really didn't care and have since inherited a $3500 student loan and only a few select college credits. I'd really like to try the school thing again. For some reason right now im really interested in aviation, more on the air traffic control aspect. I think that would be fun, but it would take a lot of effort on my part and right now im not sure I can put forth the effort it would entail.

I'm an avid poker player, been playing for several years. I've made quite a large sum playing the game. I used to play sports in my high school years until I broke my ankle and since then i've never been at 100%. So i use poker to retain my competetive nature. Probably not the best thing to do, especially the high stakes poker I've been playing at the casinos in Tunica, MS and online. Lately i've lost alot of money to the point where i've pretty much lost everything that I have made in the past year. For some reason I keep playing because I love the game, I understand it, im good at it... However, I also know im NOT a professional poker player nor will I ever become one, too much risk, definitly not something i'd like to subject my future wife too. I probably need to stop however.

I'm catholic, and since i moved here about 2 years ago i never had attended a mass until tonight, i mean when I went home to visit my family I would go, just because i didn't think i had an option. I don't know what made me go tonight, perhaps all the troubles i've had lately, maybe I needed some spiritual guidance, or maybe the popes death made me realize I needed to take a look at my spiritual life. Actually during the mass after communion I was kneeling and was actually praying for the first time I can honestly remember, I got choked up, it was really random and I didn't know what to make of it. However, when I left, I felt really good.

Right now I just feeling somewhat depressed and just wanted to get what i was thinkin about off my chest. I'd really like to make some serious changings in my life, but I think im just too lazy to make it happen. I need some kind of motivation. Sorry for the long ass post, just wanted to get some things off my chest. Feel free to share your comments if you like.

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