thebeat

ok here is deal, i think i just need to get some of this stuff of my chest and what better place than here at ye ol` TFP. My thoughts will come out randomly so please bare with me.

Basically as I continue to get older, i am currently 22. I have a full-time job, doing something I loved doing back when I was a teenager. Im in the media, a local celebrity if you will which has its perks, however the money is absoulte shit. I'm 200 miles away from my fiancee, we've been together for nearly 5 years, which is really tough because my personal life here consists solely of myself, and the occasional friend. I'm interested in finding a more fullfilling/challenging job, however im limited to what I can do because radio is really the only thing I know how to do, its all i've done since i was 14. My fiancee graduates from college with a degree in business (logistics/transportation) specifically and Im hoping she can land a good job which would give me some more freedom as to where i can perhaps try some new things.

I went to college for 2 years, however, I quit, or basically I got kicked out due to grades because at the time I really didn't care and have since inherited a $3500 student loan and only a few select college credits. I'd really like to try the school thing again. For some reason right now im really interested in aviation, more on the air traffic control aspect. I think that would be fun, but it would take a lot of effort on my part and right now im not sure I can put forth the effort it would entail.

I'm an avid poker player, been playing for several years. I've made quite a large sum playing the game. I used to play sports in my high school years until I broke my ankle and since then i've never been at 100%. So i use poker to retain my competetive nature. Probably not the best thing to do, especially the high stakes poker I've been playing at the casinos in Tunica, MS and online. Lately i've lost alot of money to the point where i've pretty much lost everything that I have made in the past year. For some reason I keep playing because I love the game, I understand it, im good at it... However, I also know im NOT a professional poker player nor will I ever become one, too much risk, definitly not something i'd like to subject my future wife too. I probably need to stop however.

I'm catholic, and since i moved here about 2 years ago i never had attended a mass until tonight, i mean when I went home to visit my family I would go, just because i didn't think i had an option. I don't know what made me go tonight, perhaps all the troubles i've had lately, maybe I needed some spiritual guidance, or maybe the popes death made me realize I needed to take a look at my spiritual life. Actually during the mass after communion I was kneeling and was actually praying for the first time I can honestly remember, I got choked up, it was really random and I didn't know what to make of it. However, when I left, I felt really good.

Right now I just feeling somewhat depressed and just wanted to get what i was thinkin about off my chest. I'd really like to make some serious changings in my life, but I think im just too lazy to make it happen. I need some kind of motivation. Sorry for the long ass post, just wanted to get some things off my chest. Feel free to share your comments if you like.

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amonkie

You might want to think about starting a journal - getting things off your chest is a great idea, and having a central place to do that makes it even more helpful. If you scroll to the top of the TFP Forum home page, there is a journal tab. Just a thought...

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

f6twister

Right here is your dilema, you can't have it both ways. If you really want to make serious changes in your life, you need to force yourself past the laziness and go for it. If I were given the task of restructuring your life, this is what I would do:

1. Cut way down or stop the poker playing. If you are losing that much money and keep playing, you may be on track to develop a gambling problem. I would recommend stopping all together, at least until you get things back on track.

2. You want to be an air traffic controller? Do it! You never explain why, "it would take a lot of effort on my part and right now im not sure I can put forth the effort it would entail". Take a look at the FAA's job posting for air traffic contollers and see if you qualify.

3. If it makes you feel good and it aids in your life, keep going to church.

4. Talk to your fiance. Let her know how you are feeling and try to develop a plan.

5. Keep us updated on your progress. Even through many (or all) of us haven't met you face to face, we want to see you succeed and be happy in life.

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

MEAD

I don't know if anyone is that motivated to change. I think what he is looking for is rock bottom. Once you got nothing, it's easy to change. Right now he's too worried about losing himself and the things he does have.

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Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

Carno

Are you suggesting that he hit rock bottom before he try to change himself?

It is not impossible to become motivated to do new things, you just have to suck it up and jump in there and do it.

MEAD

No, I'm not suggesting that at all. However, unbridled positivity isn't going to help either. Let him be realistic. People take a long time to change.

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Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

Carno

Agreed.

It will be very hard to change and it certainly won't happen overnight, but it can be done.

thebeat

thanks for the encouragement, I appriecate it!

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MEAD

self improvement is pretty badass, even if it is a long term thing.

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Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

squirrelyburt

f6twister had some great advice, and keep writing here, talking things out will get you some great input, maybe some advice you really dont want, but from a different viewpoint from what you see before. Hang in there, things might be tough now, but life isn't made to be easy. Gotta love and live for the challenge each new day brings.

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If you've ever felt there was a reason to be afraid of the dark, you were right.

Sage

I think you need to sit down and think about where your loci of control is. A loci of control is that which motivaties you, and it can be extrinsic or intrinsic. For example, an extrinsic loci of control would be: you go to the movies because you find it to be fun. An external source (the fun of the movie) drives you to go see it. An internal loci of control would be you're hungry, so you eat. Hunger comes from inside you, so you then go do something about it.

I say this because for me, it helped a LOT when I found out that I was letting everything external control my drives and emotions. Like, I would let the weather dictate my mood for the day, or I'd let my job determine what I would do on my time off. This kind of loci of control leads to one feeling powerless about one's situation- ie: "I have no control over the forces in my life, so why bother?" Sometimes this attitude is interpreted as laziness by the one expierencing the situation.

So, perhaps you have resigned yourself to your fate- "I can't move closer to my girlfriend because of my job" - your job is then dictating what you can and can't do. Now, I know some of you are going to say "but jobs are important! I need money!" and yes, I'm not suggesting you live in a cardboard box, but you need to perhaps look at your approach to your life. You wanna move closer to your fiancee`? Look for jobs in her area that will get you money, take one, move there, THEN look for radio jobs. Or, call up radio stations in her area to see if anyone's hiring, even as an intern position. You have to take an active role in changing your life in order to see anything change!

I would also suggest that you NOT expect your fiancee` to get the good corparate job to support you while you're looking to break out your radio career. I say this because this can, in a very subtle way, lead to resentment on her part, especially if you have trouble finding a job and become dejected about your chances.

You wanna go back to school? Community college is cheap, and Associates degrees are good on their own in some cases, or at the very least are a good step towards getting a 4 year degree.

You also sound like you're not the best finacially sound person- gambling away your savings and all that. I would suggest calling up your bank and asking if they have free workshops in how to manage your money- if your bank doesn't, sometimes the local library does or a school or university. At the very least, I'm sure there's websites out there that offer good money advice.

Your gambling concerns me, as your response to it- something along the lines of "I know it's bad to be doing this but I like to do it so I do it anyway" sounds to me like you might already have a gambling problem, alebiet a mild one. I would strongly suggest you get to Gambler's anonmous right away- or at least see if you can get some counseling. It might not be what you want to hear, but a gambling problem starts small and then gets bigger and bigger- you owe it to yourself and your future wife to not fall into that slippery slope.

I hope what I have said helps a little- I have definitely been through a period of self evaluation in the past year and it's really really hard to change things when you get into a comfortable rut in your life. HOWEVER, it's THE MOST GRATIFYING FEELING IN THE WORLD when you DO change things and know that it's for the best!!!

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