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My kids are 13 and they are told to get to bed at 9:30. They still like to be tucked-a hug and kiss goodnight-which is fine by me.
If you have expressed your concern and no change has been made, you need to reevaluate your position in that household. You're being shut out.
And you are right, except in extreme cases of illness, mommy shouldn't be staying with a child of that age. Perhaps you could enlist the help of some of her friends-have them bring up the issue for discussion with her.
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