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I second (or fifth?) the idea of a couselor, especially since you mentioned a previous experience that was painful.
DO NOT force yourself to have sex. You'll be nervous, which will make it an even worse experience, and you'll regret it.
That is strange that he'll get off on porn, but not with you. Maybe he feels that it would "cheapen" your relationship if you get him off, like he's using you like he uses the porn. Perhaps he wants it to be a more mutual thing. Have you tried getting each other off at the same time? Perhaps he would be better with that. I know my guy has a problem if I get off first, or if I can't at all, and I tell him to go ahead and finish.
If you're really worried about pain, you could go to a gynocologist. They can take a look, and see if your hymen is large or small, and can perhaps do something to help break it (like inserting a speculum). Also, they can tell if you might be super tight due to your trauma of before.
I don't like the lying about the porn, but a lot of women would be more upset about the porn than about the lying, and maybe he thinks you're one of those. Maybe sit him down and explain that you feel inadequate when he looks at porn instead of letting you get him off, and that you feel upset when he lies to you (or some variation that is more accurate).
Wow, I was going to make this all short, cause I sometimes skim the longer posts, and I didn't want that to happen...Oh, well.
Hope the advice here helps!!
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"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
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-Voltaire
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