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My heart hurts so much after reading this. Bunnybear, please, listen to maleficent and the other girls - please talk to a counselor that can help. if you've been going to the same one without feeling a sense of progress, find someone new. Your BF needs plenty of counseling too.
It's understandable that you want to stay with him if you care about him this much, but please get yourselves help before he hurts you any further. I am sure he doesn't intend to hurt you, but he is because of his own hurts.
In my very very very humble opinion... it's usually not a good idea to be in a romantic relationship, especially a sexual one, if you cannot stand your own self. I'm so sorry if that sounds harsh to hear... not that I think you have to be alone either... it sounds like you have far more than your fair share of pain. I too have had things in the past that caused pain, but I want you to know that those cycles of problems can be broken. I will be wishing you lots of energy and love and strength to be able to handle it.
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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.
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