My bf and I had issues like this for a while... maybe he's more qualified to answer your question. Personally, I don't really have a problem with the occasional going-soft, and when we first started having sex I think both of us were semi-nervous, so it happened more often (and I also didn't get wet all the time, and it hurt a bit). So I think it's really just normal.
Don't make the mistake I make ALL THE TIME of thinking too much!! Just turn off your brain and try to enjoy your time more, and unless there is something more deep-seated going on, the issues will resolve themselves as you relax more. Remember, even if she's been with other guys and you were a virgin, she's with you NOW, and that's what matters.
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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran
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