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I've been in this one too as the #2 guy. I let the girl get over the situation and allowed her to work out her issues and finally came back to me after a year plus relationship with a crappy guy. Exact same situation as you are talking about, friends hated him everything. Still by the end, I was hopelessly in the friends zone. Looking back I did exactly what those first posts said. I listen to her issues and tried to provide support, women think they’ll make good on their promises but honestly she wouldn’t be considering going back to him if she truly cared about your feelings (she has to know your into her).
You have one advantage over me; you have had sex with her. I'm not sure if its enough but my situation ended badly. I agree with some of the comments to just get rid of it but honestly it’s going to be tough. You have already fallin for this girl to a certain extent or you wouldn't have posted here. I guess my suggestion would be to make a decision.
1) Try to win her over; don't let her go back to the other guy. Make a move and make it clear she’s choosing between you and him. This will be tough, but think of it as a dogfight and come out swinging.
2) Let her go, stop seeing her and let things play out without your involvement, because if it ends badly with the there guy you don’t want it rubbing off on you in anyway. Tell her to call you back when she figures it out and gets over the other guy. Find another of the millions of women out there looking for a great guy like you who is willing to even consider staying with this girl.
Staying her friend is just not going to be rewarding. The friendship is already built around her needs that will only get worse. Trust me, the heartache and “oneits” you will end up with here is going to be hard to bare.
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