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dirtyrascal7 · 03-26-2005, 08:16 AM

hmm... this is a tricky, yet not uncommon situation. i've been the #2 man before and i know how much it sucks... so hopefully i can save you from that fate.

its hard to let go of someone you have history with when you still have hope that things will work out. in this situation, however, i think she also believes that this other guy is the best she can do... probably because he's "brainwashed" her into thinking that over the past 1.5 years. the thing you need to remember is that she won't be able to move on until she overcomes both beliefs about her ex.

in the mean time... you are very close to entering the "friend zone" and it's good you're aware of this. the more you support her and "be there for her"... the more she'll think of you as "just a friend" and the less chance you'll have of dating her. many have tried to become friends first and then make the jump to the dating ladder... but only few have succeeded. do not take this route... the odds are against you.

honestly, if you don't want to become the #2 man, the best thing to do is push her away and keep in touch with her only as a 'casual acquaintence' until she gets over her asshole ex-boyfriend (but keep the sex going if you can/want to). unfortunately, this could take a while because she doesn't know what she wants and so going back to him is easier than going on alone.

i know it sounds shitty to not help her through this rough time... but honestly, this is something she needs to do on her own anyway. teasing, flirting... anything like that is great, but do not talk about her ex and let her dump all that on you. keep things light and casual... positive experiences only. when you do hang out, leave before things wind down... this will keep her on her toes and make her want more.

i wish i could tell you that you don't have to play these games, but that's just not how it works at this stage... she's not mature enough yet.

03-26-2005, 08:16 AM	#5 (permalink)
dirtyrascal7 That's what she said	hmm... this is a tricky, yet not uncommon situation. i've been the #2 man before and i know how much it sucks... so hopefully i can save you from that fate. its hard to let go of someone you have history with when you still have hope that things will work out. in this situation, however, i think she also believes that this other guy is the best she can do... probably because he's "brainwashed" her into thinking that over the past 1.5 years. the thing you need to remember is that she won't be able to move on until she overcomes both beliefs about her ex. in the mean time... you are very close to entering the "friend zone" and it's good you're aware of this. the more you support her and "be there for her"... the more she'll think of you as "just a friend" and the less chance you'll have of dating her. many have tried to become friends first and then make the jump to the dating ladder... but only few have succeeded. do not take this route... the odds are against you. honestly, if you don't want to become the #2 man, the best thing to do is push her away and keep in touch with her only as a 'casual acquaintence' until she gets over her asshole ex-boyfriend (but keep the sex going if you can/want to). unfortunately, this could take a while because she doesn't know what she wants and so going back to him is easier than going on alone. i know it sounds shitty to not help her through this rough time... but honestly, this is something she needs to do on her own anyway. teasing, flirting... anything like that is great, but do not talk about her ex and let her dump all that on you. keep things light and casual... positive experiences only. when you do hang out, leave before things wind down... this will keep her on her toes and make her want more. i wish i could tell you that you don't have to play these games, but that's just not how it works at this stage... she's not mature enough yet. Last edited by dirtyrascal7; 03-26-2005 at 08:21 AM..