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Originally Posted by JamesB
Guys, how can I go on without forever being synical? (sp?) I want to allow myself to enjoy life to its fullest but I NEVER want _THIS_ again. I dont want to hound my next love interest with my broken past. I dont want to constantly "test the water" to see how our relationship is going - but I am TERRIFIED of being dropped OUT OF NOWHERE again.
At this point, if that were to happen again .. I don't think I could handle it. I am so strong in other areas but when my emotional safety is annihilated like it was - I litterally feel like I am being dissolved from the inside-out.
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i know it's easier said than done, but you need to give yourself some time to mourn the loss of the relationship. you're going to feel like crap for a while. it's probably going to come in waves - you'll start to feel better than something will happen that reminds you of her or your life together and back down you'll go.
the good news is that as time goes by the period between the "waves" gets longer and the drop gets shorter. i've heard some trite rule-of-thumb that it takes one month of recovery time for every year you spent in the relationship to get "over" the break up. and i must admit that it's been pretty accurate in my case at least. my wife and i split up last april (under similarly unpleasant circumstances to your situation) after 13+ years of marriage. and it was around the start of 2005 that i started to realize that there are other women out there, that they're all different from my ex and each other, and that that's a pretty cool thing.