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I am getting so much great advice from you guys its almost overwhealming. I understand all of the points you guys have made. Everything being said has crossed my mind and as much as I want to follow the advice, it is extremely difficult at this point. I am trying to move on - I am trying to think of my ex. less so that I can move past what we had.
I so desperately want what I have lost but I understand that it will never be the same. I am starting to come to terms with the notion that I will in all likelihood never be in a relationship with her again. It just hurts so much.
Two months ago she told me that she was having her doubts about our relationship so I busted my ass (hard!) to show her how much I love her. I literally worked my self sick trying. We had planned a vacation to the Carribean before she voiced her doubts and we decided to go - perhaps the time away would let things settle. I had a great time on the trip - she seemed to be alive again. We arrived back in Ottawa ar 4:30am and she wanted to drive directly home after being up for 18+ hours (even though she normally slept at my place). The VERY NEXT day she dumped me.
We had agreed that if the vacation didn't help us mend the relationship that we would go see a relationship counselor. Well, I never even had a fucking chance as it turns out.
Guys, how can I go on without forever being synical? (sp?) I want to allow myself to enjoy life to its fullest but I NEVER want _THIS_ again. I dont want to hound my next love interest with my broken past. I dont want to constantly "test the water" to see how our relationship is going - but I am TERRIFIED of being dropped OUT OF NOWHERE again.
At this point, if that were to happen again .. I don't think I could handle it. I am so strong in other areas but when my emotional safety is annihilated like it was - I litterally feel like I am being dissolved from the inside-out.
I'd once again like to thank EVERYONE who has (and may still) offer their advice and more importantly their support. You guys are truly awesome. I can't think of a better crowd that you guys - supporting someone so genuinely without having ever met me. I am given great strength and hope in all of your support.
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