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Jesseboy · 03-21-2005, 10:10 PM

Hello everyone - this is my first post on the TFP, and I'm gonna make it a doosie. Advice/Comments are much appreciated.

I have been dating the same girl now for almost five years - we started dating Junior year in high school, and now we are both 21. Basically, everything started off very well and has continued to go extraordinarily well, but we have run into a couple of issues that I would like to resolve.

We have a pretty open/honest relationship, but one thing that we seem to disagree on is sex.

Being a younger male, I pretty much want it all the time, and she hardly wants to have sex at all. Obviously, this is an issue.

I think I would understand it a lot more if she didn't enjoy it as well. Although she seems to be unable to climax from penetration, I do my best to make sure she finishes every time we romp. Typically, I give her oral sex until she climaxes. I would say that she comes 99/100 times we get it on - however, sex has become less and less frequent.

She isn't very fond of being manually stimulated, she certainly seems to enjoy penetration, but only climaxes once in a blue moon from penetration alone. I know sexual compatibility is pretty darn important in a relationship, but I love this girl and this seems to be the only issue that keeps coming up - or issues revolving around sex.

We usually have sex probably 2-3 times a month, sometimes more, but not much more. Sometimes, we'll go for a month or two at a time without sex.

I think part of the problem lies in the fact that one way to turn her on is for me to be aggressive, and pretty much attack her. This is a duel edged sword though - when it works, great. But if it doesn't, I basically feel like I just tried forcing myself on her, in combination with feeling like shit because I was just rejected.

To me, two 21 year olds having sex that infrequently seems rather unhealthy, so I basically see two main resolutions to the problem. Either we start having sex a lot more, or we contine how we are going, with the frequency contining to decline.

For those of you that I am sure are wondering, she is on the shot for B/C. For added protection I always pull out when finishing as well. I realize that pulling out isn't failsafe, but I figure that it lowers the chances of pregnancy significantly in combination with birth control.

I would imagine that one way to potentially increase her sex drive would be a different form of birth control, but it almost seems that she just doesn't really see it as a problem, other than the fact that I have issues with it.

At one point, we went so far as to purchase some pills that supposedly increases a womans sex drive (I would like to point out that I know that in all likelyhood it wouldn't work, but I was hoping for the placebo effect to help me out on this one) She was constantly forgetting to take the pills (they were required to be taken daily) and even when I would remind her she would basically say that she would just take it tomorrow. This gives me the impression that sex isn't really all that important to her, as it was supposed to take 30 days before it went into full swing. Interestingly enough, she did say that her orgasms were stronger, and for the first time ever she had probably a 5-7 minute orgasm (or series of orgasms) - but even that didn't convince her to continue taking them on a regular basis.

I feel like an asshole for being so horny all the time, but I just don't think I can help it. When we crawl into bed at night, (she likes to cuddle) I am constantly poking her in the back or ass. To allieviate that, I started (just recently, we'll see how it goes) to sleep with pants on. I feel like such a dick all the time, hoping for sex, but I just can't help it. I haven't yet decided on whether or not there is anything I can do to fix this, it pretty much just seems to be how I am. I control myself fairly well, but my body decieves me much of the time. Probably about half the time I am with her I have a hard-on... you'd think that it would be a little less exciting to me after all these years.

One option I am considering is finding something to lower my libido as she seems pretty content with hers as is. I know that sounds rather ridiculous, but I seem to be running out of options rather quickly. I am considering asking her to marry me relatively soon (I already have the ring) but want to try and work out as many issues as we can before marrige, I'm not sure if I am strong enough to deal with another 20 years of this.

Re-reading this post, it sounds like I am placing much of the blame on her - I want to clarify. As much as it sucks for me, her libido isn't necessarily the problem, mine is, or more specifically it's my ability to suck it up and control myself. I find it ridiculous that after being turned down this many times I still haven't gotten used to it, lol.

When talking to her about oral sex, she says she doesn't have a problem with giving me oral sex, but her actions tell me otherwise. She has probably only given it to me less than half a dozen times in all the time we were together, so I imagine she may be saying one thing trying to make life a bit easier for me while feeling a different way. The funny thing is, one of the reasons she isn't such a big fan of it is because I take so long to finish that way. If it happened more frequently, I would imagine she would get a bit better at it

.

I don't know what else to write here... I basically feel like a dick for making such a big deal out of something so... animalistic... but I am looking for any advice anyone can offer to help me out.

I suppose a bit more information might be helpful...

We were not virgins when we met, although I am the first guy that has ever made her climax. She seems very comfortable with her body, and doesn't seem to have any self-esteem issues. She is willing to accomadate me - if I were to ask for oral sex she would give it to me, I just think it would be nice for her to want to have sex with me, instead of it seeming like a chore.

Like I said earlier, we have a pretty open relationship, and some of the things that she likes are for me to be aggressive - basically for me to kiss her very passionately and rub myself on her, she also wants me to be a little bit rougher when we have sex - usually I am very gentle. This may give you the impression that she likes to be dominated, which is definately NOT the case, not even in the bedroom. If any of you have any other questions, please ask.

Thanks for reading this monster of a post...

03-21-2005, 10:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jesseboy Upright	Advice Request: Infrequent Sex Hello everyone - this is my first post on the TFP, and I'm gonna make it a doosie. Advice/Comments are much appreciated. I have been dating the same girl now for almost five years - we started dating Junior year in high school, and now we are both 21. Basically, everything started off very well and has continued to go extraordinarily well, but we have run into a couple of issues that I would like to resolve. We have a pretty open/honest relationship, but one thing that we seem to disagree on is sex. Being a younger male, I pretty much want it all the time, and she hardly wants to have sex at all. Obviously, this is an issue. I think I would understand it a lot more if she didn't enjoy it as well. Although she seems to be unable to climax from penetration, I do my best to make sure she finishes every time we romp. Typically, I give her oral sex until she climaxes. I would say that she comes 99/100 times we get it on - however, sex has become less and less frequent. She isn't very fond of being manually stimulated, she certainly seems to enjoy penetration, but only climaxes once in a blue moon from penetration alone. I know sexual compatibility is pretty darn important in a relationship, but I love this girl and this seems to be the only issue that keeps coming up - or issues revolving around sex. We usually have sex probably 2-3 times a month, sometimes more, but not much more. Sometimes, we'll go for a month or two at a time without sex. I think part of the problem lies in the fact that one way to turn her on is for me to be aggressive, and pretty much attack her. This is a duel edged sword though - when it works, great. But if it doesn't, I basically feel like I just tried forcing myself on her, in combination with feeling like shit because I was just rejected. To me, two 21 year olds having sex that infrequently seems rather unhealthy, so I basically see two main resolutions to the problem. Either we start having sex a lot more, or we contine how we are going, with the frequency contining to decline. For those of you that I am sure are wondering, she is on the shot for B/C. For added protection I always pull out when finishing as well. I realize that pulling out isn't failsafe, but I figure that it lowers the chances of pregnancy significantly in combination with birth control. I would imagine that one way to potentially increase her sex drive would be a different form of birth control, but it almost seems that she just doesn't really see it as a problem, other than the fact that I have issues with it. At one point, we went so far as to purchase some pills that supposedly increases a womans sex drive (I would like to point out that I know that in all likelyhood it wouldn't work, but I was hoping for the placebo effect to help me out on this one) She was constantly forgetting to take the pills (they were required to be taken daily) and even when I would remind her she would basically say that she would just take it tomorrow. This gives me the impression that sex isn't really all that important to her, as it was supposed to take 30 days before it went into full swing. Interestingly enough, she did say that her orgasms were stronger, and for the first time ever she had probably a 5-7 minute orgasm (or series of orgasms) - but even that didn't convince her to continue taking them on a regular basis. I feel like an asshole for being so horny all the time, but I just don't think I can help it. When we crawl into bed at night, (she likes to cuddle) I am constantly poking her in the back or ass. To allieviate that, I started (just recently, we'll see how it goes) to sleep with pants on. I feel like such a dick all the time, hoping for sex, but I just can't help it. I haven't yet decided on whether or not there is anything I can do to fix this, it pretty much just seems to be how I am. I control myself fairly well, but my body decieves me much of the time. Probably about half the time I am with her I have a hard-on... you'd think that it would be a little less exciting to me after all these years. One option I am considering is finding something to lower my libido as she seems pretty content with hers as is. I know that sounds rather ridiculous, but I seem to be running out of options rather quickly. I am considering asking her to marry me relatively soon (I already have the ring) but want to try and work out as many issues as we can before marrige, I'm not sure if I am strong enough to deal with another 20 years of this. Re-reading this post, it sounds like I am placing much of the blame on her - I want to clarify. As much as it sucks for me, her libido isn't necessarily the problem, mine is, or more specifically it's my ability to suck it up and control myself. I find it ridiculous that after being turned down this many times I still haven't gotten used to it, lol. When talking to her about oral sex, she says she doesn't have a problem with giving me oral sex, but her actions tell me otherwise. She has probably only given it to me less than half a dozen times in all the time we were together, so I imagine she may be saying one thing trying to make life a bit easier for me while feeling a different way. The funny thing is, one of the reasons she isn't such a big fan of it is because I take so long to finish that way. If it happened more frequently, I would imagine she would get a bit better at it . I don't know what else to write here... I basically feel like a dick for making such a big deal out of something so... animalistic... but I am looking for any advice anyone can offer to help me out. I suppose a bit more information might be helpful... We were not virgins when we met, although I am the first guy that has ever made her climax. She seems very comfortable with her body, and doesn't seem to have any self-esteem issues. She is willing to accomadate me - if I were to ask for oral sex she would give it to me, I just think it would be nice for her to want to have sex with me, instead of it seeming like a chore. Like I said earlier, we have a pretty open relationship, and some of the things that she likes are for me to be aggressive - basically for me to kiss her very passionately and rub myself on her, she also wants me to be a little bit rougher when we have sex - usually I am very gentle. This may give you the impression that she likes to be dominated, which is definately NOT the case, not even in the bedroom. If any of you have any other questions, please ask. Thanks for reading this monster of a post...