BlueBongo

I suppose guys looking at porn is really nothing. But in the many years I've known my husband he has NEVER viewed as much as he does now. And it really makes me feel worse about myself. I know it's really that I have low self-esteem and am unhappy with myself, I also have had quite a few physical problems that would only get much worse because of sex. AND to top it off I am sort of turned off to sex because of all the junk I am still dealing with from my father molesting me when I was little.

I know these are MY problems and it's in MY head. He tells me that I'm attractive and that I'm gorgeous, and then spends a good deal of the day looking at nekkid women. I dunno, porn or erotic pictures have never bothered me before. I wasn't "snooping" but I was checking my email on his machine and the history brought up some websites similar to my email and I checked one out. The girl looked like a bowl of jello with a black dildo popping out in the middle, which is rude of me to say.. but seeing that just makes me feel more disgusting.

Am I just being obessesive or what? I dunno... I have been trying to make myself feel better by walking more and attempting to eat better when I can. I want to lose weight but with my physical issues and the problems with my hips I can only do so much for so long without being in a lot of pain. I do like sex, but I am just dealing with quite a bit and am at my wits end. I dunno.. I suppose I am just looking to see what other ladies have to say about this or can offer any advice because this only adds to this horrid depression schtuff I'm dealing with too.

Any advice??? Thanks!

__________________
"Things can only get so bad before they have no choice but to get better.."