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Just a quick re-visit for Abaya, not a hijack! First love, high school sweethearts, first date 2 days before her 16th BD. Always very different people in so many many ways. The differences were pushed aside by genuine love, and eventually by the grind of family and job and all the little crises. We cared and tried and did (still do actually) councilling for years. The pressures of the kids I think was a killer. Also the unending weight of financial responsibilities and a series of health and family issues. One day I told her how all the evidence of our physical situation (the disarray and the debris, the lurches upwards in the debt burden and the helter-skelter kids, no pure happiness or spontaneous joy ...) were symptoms of a seriously disfunctional household. The conversation and the realization that we really couldn't work together anymore snowballed from that.
Conversation doesn't sparkle and we have issues with each others families and we don't see things the same with the kids ... At least our youngest is 12 now and we are grandparents, so it's not like we are in the first stages of married life. It is hard on the kids - but maybe in years to come ... but probably not ...
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And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... 
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