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Originally Posted by Nemi
now that I've met the man I love, my thoughts are quite different: I am looking forward to sex with him. We did do some few things: fingering and I had this amazing moment, him on a chair and me on him (all dressed). Was simply incredible.
Yes I am quite shy about sex and nakedness. I was worse before, but I more comfortable now about nakedness.
I felt quite amazed when I saw his penis, scared and a guilty (that what my parents would think and I am not supposed to do that - I come from a quite open background but sex is not talked about openly at home).
I felt quite defensive when he told me that, that I didn't like him when I saw him and that there was not that crude animal response in my eyes. I tried telling him that moment on the chair was just amazing. But I think I understand where he comes from, that probably the confused look might have suggested I don't like him. I do think he could give me lots of pleasure...
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Nemi,
I can see why you felt defensive, That probably wasn't very reassuring for you to hear . . . i do think that is unfair of him to have such expectations from you, he needs to learn to let it happen and let you get comfortable at your own pace, but i will echo raeanna74 comment that he might have felt insecure about your reaction, but he should not have made it nevertheless . . . Is he also a Virgin and/or unskilled in his sexuality? his comments make me inclined to think that he is . . .
I would Tell him straight up that he needs be more positive about the sexual steps you are making and that he needs to let you get comfortable at your own pace! If he really cares about you and loves you, he will Respect you enough to be patient and let you grow in your sexuality at your own pace . . .
The fact that you felt you had a 'moment' on the chair indicates to me that sex certainly is something you are inclined towards and something that excites you . . . i think you might just need to give yourself some time to get comfortable . . . it's quite the journey discovering your sexuality and i applaud you that you are seeking out ways to explore yourself and your feelings on sex . . .
You also mentioned that you felt some 'guilt' about what your parents would think, this is common for alot of individuals to feel, esp. when sex is not spoken about frankly at home . . . i also had this problem with guilt to some extent . . . just remind yourself that you're an adult now and you make your own decisions about your life and your sexuality . . . remind yourself that exploring sexuality is a beautiful and nessasary thing . . .
I encourage you to keep exploring your sexuality as you have been, i think it's great!!
Sweetpea