the first time a virgin sees her boyfriend naked - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Nemi · 03-07-2005, 09:15 PM

Hi,
The first time I saw my bf naked, I was scared (I was 21 then), had never seen a penis before. I wanted to hide, might seem odd but it was like that. I was quite confused. We still haven't had sex (geographic distance). However, he feels and told me there was no 'natural response in me', some crude light in my eyes that I want him. I know that I want him. But is it that I am fooling myself that that first time that this inner woman would have revealed itself in me? How do virgin women react the first time they see the penis of their men? I am just confused.

Can someone tell me ?

Sweetpea · 03-07-2005, 10:04 PM

I'm going to need a little more information here if you will Nemi . . .

What are your general feelings on sex?

Are you a shy person about sex and nakedness?

I think it is very unfair of him to say that you didn't have "natural response" . . . if sex and nakedness is something you are just getting comfortable with . . . it may take you a little time for your inner sex Goddess to come out

. . . he needs to understand that and let you go at your own pace . . .

When i first saw a my hubby naked and his cock (we were teenage sweethearts) . . . i was like 'rawr' . . . however, i was rasied with frank and honest talk about sex, so i felt comfortable with the situation . . .

Is it so much that you aren't comfortable with his 'penis' . . . or is it the situation in general that sorta has you freaked out??

I think it's great that you talking about this and speaking honestly about you feelings surrounding sex is really important . . . sex and intimacy are a Huge part of a relationship and your life and getting comfortable with yourself and sex is the first step to being really happy with your intimate life

Sweetpea

abaya · 03-08-2005, 07:29 AM

Nemi, I was quite intimidated by penises when I was a virgin, and even for a short while after losing my virginity. I came from a relatively conservative background, so when my bf and I started having sex, I would glance at his penis and try not to think about how small my hole was and how large he was compared to the biggest tampon I'd ever used!

But after more exploration, sex, and general relaxation about the whole situation, I realized that my vagina was pretty flexible and that I actually enjoyed having his big cock filling me up. I got more into oral sex, too. So the penis became my friend.

Give yourself time to get adjusted to your new situation, and above all make sure you communicate with him about how you're feeling. I don't like him telling you there's no "natural response;" that's BS. Just because you're a little intimidated by his penis doesn't mean you won't love to have it in you... he should take a step back and let you choose the pace of your physical relationship. How did it make you feel when he said that? Make sure you tell him so that at least he knows where you're coming from.

Nemi · 03-08-2005, 08:05 AM

Thank you sweetpea and abaya for your replies. It makes me feel a bit better, I thought I was a bit odd.

My general feelings on sex: I think I used to think about it in a very intellectual and feminist way (that men are bad and make women suffer), so I told myself that it's better to avoid them. Well, now that I've met the man I love, my thoughts are quite different: I am looking forward to sex with him. We did do some few things: fingering and I had this amazing moment, him on a chair and me on him (all dressed). Was simply incredible.

Yes I am quite shy about sex and nakedness. I was worse before, but I more comfortable now about nakedness.

I felt quite amazed when I saw his penis, scared and a guilty (that what my parents would think and I am not supposed to do that - I come from a quite open background but sex is not talked about openly at home). I was quite confused. And yet now with the distance, I think of him and his instrument quite often, that I had the opportunity and didn't use it as such. I actually fantasize a lot about what he and I could do. I read online how some women and the majority of them like their men's penises (I read some old replies on TFP), how much they liked to lick and suck it. I think I'd like to spend more time touching him, feeling him and look at his cock while he sleeps. I like his smell around this area, quite intoxicating.

I felt quite defensive when he told me that, that I didn't like him when I saw him and that there was not that crude animal response in my eyes. I tried telling him that moment on the chair was just amazing. But I think I understand where he comes from, that probably the confused look might have suggested I don't like him. I do think he could give me lots of pleasure...

bad jane · 03-08-2005, 11:07 AM

i think it is likely that being a little scared and intimidated with the first sexual experience falls into the normal category, particularly for women (people) who aren't totally comfy with sex yet. did he know you were a virgin and had never even seen a man naked before?

lindseylatch · 03-08-2005, 12:20 PM

Quote:

crude animal response in my eyes

What?? Cha, that's such a silly thing to say, especially to someone who's never seen a penis before in person, if at all. I mean, you're bound to be a little intimidated. he can't just assume that his cock is so many and beautiful that you'll fall on your knees and worship him in ecstasy...Ferchristsake...Does he thinks it's magical or something?

He could do some other stuff to get that "crude animal look," before he drops his pants. Doesn't require the sight of a penis. Then, maybe you'd be so hot you wouldn't even think about how big it was, or how scary.

BTW, I came from a very liberal household, but also from a mother who hates men, and believe that all they want is sex (and yet she's still married to my dad...). So, every sexual experience was really intimidating for me, cause I was worried that I would go too far, or send the wrong signals and end up getting raped. Luckily, my current, and first, boyfriend is a real calm, gentle guy, who is the least pushy person in the word. I usually have to push him. :P

raeanna74 · 03-08-2005, 01:26 PM

I actually came from a very conservative family and so did hubby. We were each other's first so we were both amatures which I think helped. My Mom was very open talking about sex and other things so I wasn't a stranger to what to expect. Mom had even gone so far as to talk to me about pleasuring myself and give me tips and such. I had masterbated for years before I had finally actually had sex. I had not seen even a lot of pictures of penises since porn was completely forbidden in our home and at my college as well. The nearest I ever got were drawings in sex ed. When I actually saw my first penis I must admit I was a little surprised and maybe in aw. It was very different in reality than I had pictured. I doubt I had an "animal response" to it. It was more curiousity than anything I think. Hubby and I had a lot of oral and fingering and touching each other over a course of time before we finally had sex. That familiarity combined with my own familiarity with my own body from playing with myself helped me feel comfortable with the whole thing and especially his body.

Your response seems completely NORMAL to me. His comment shows a lack of experience, naivety and maybe even a touch of insecurity on his part. He's probably seen porn where the girl looks hungrily at the guy and he expects that to be the norm. If he is willing to talk about things you can explain to him that your response was more curiosity and unfamiliarity than anything and that you are certain that once you become more comfortable with your own physical body and with his that you're will probably be much more enthusiastic.

In the meantime - have you two tried phone sex?? Have you played with yourself? Those are two ways when there's a lot of distance between you to get familiar with yourself and with each other.

Good Luck.

Sweetpea · 03-08-2005, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemi

now that I've met the man I love, my thoughts are quite different: I am looking forward to sex with him. We did do some few things: fingering and I had this amazing moment, him on a chair and me on him (all dressed). Was simply incredible.

Yes I am quite shy about sex and nakedness. I was worse before, but I more comfortable now about nakedness.

I felt quite amazed when I saw his penis, scared and a guilty (that what my parents would think and I am not supposed to do that - I come from a quite open background but sex is not talked about openly at home).

I felt quite defensive when he told me that, that I didn't like him when I saw him and that there was not that crude animal response in my eyes. I tried telling him that moment on the chair was just amazing. But I think I understand where he comes from, that probably the confused look might have suggested I don't like him. I do think he could give me lots of pleasure...

Nemi,

I can see why you felt defensive, That probably wasn't very reassuring for you to hear . . . i do think that is unfair of him to have such expectations from you, he needs to learn to let it happen and let you get comfortable at your own pace, but i will echo raeanna74 comment that he might have felt insecure about your reaction, but he should not have made it nevertheless . . . Is he also a Virgin and/or unskilled in his sexuality? his comments make me inclined to think that he is . . .
I would Tell him straight up that he needs be more positive about the sexual steps you are making and that he needs to let you get comfortable at your own pace! If he really cares about you and loves you, he will Respect you enough to be patient and let you grow in your sexuality at your own pace . . .

The fact that you felt you had a 'moment' on the chair indicates to me that sex certainly is something you are inclined towards and something that excites you . . . i think you might just need to give yourself some time to get comfortable . . . it's quite the journey discovering your sexuality and i applaud you that you are seeking out ways to explore yourself and your feelings on sex . . .

You also mentioned that you felt some 'guilt' about what your parents would think, this is common for alot of individuals to feel, esp. when sex is not spoken about frankly at home . . . i also had this problem with guilt to some extent . . . just remind yourself that you're an adult now and you make your own decisions about your life and your sexuality . . . remind yourself that exploring sexuality is a beautiful and nessasary thing . . .

I encourage you to keep exploring your sexuality as you have been, i think it's great!!

Sweetpea

Squishor · 03-08-2005, 05:50 PM

I think it's completely natural, normal even, to be a bit taken aback at your first sight of his penis, especially if it was erect. Also remember, men are a little more visually cued than we are. He might think that the mere sight of a body part would be enough to generate some sort of ravenous response, because perhaps that's what he experiences. Not that we don't also respond of course, but as I recall, when I was still a virgin I didn't really know how to want sex badly because I didn't fully understand what there was to want! It wasn't until I had done it more than a few times that my sexuality matured to the point that I could see a naked man and get turned on like that. I would hope that he'd be able to understand - I don't like the sound of him saying that to you. Maybe his feelings were hurt.

*Nikki* · 03-08-2005, 05:59 PM

I remember the first time I saw full frontal nudity on a man...it was on TV. I was like 12 or something.

I was like "what the hell is that". I in no way shape or form found a man's cock to be attractive.

It was only later on when I discovered how good it felt that it became appealing to me.

Squishor · 03-08-2005, 06:46 PM

I remember the first time I realized I was just a chromosome away from having been born a boy - I was like *whew! close call!* Even as a child I thought having part of your body hanging between your legs to be a very odd idea and not at all appealing. Don't tell him that though, he might be insulted. Penises are great once you get used to them.

bad jane · 03-09-2005, 12:36 AM

ROFLMFAO, squishor--that last post brought tears to my eyes! what a wonderful sig that would make!

lindseylatch · 03-09-2005, 10:37 AM

I'm with Jane, that was classic.

KinkyKiwi · 03-09-2005, 12:37 PM

squisher you so rock!

the first time i saw my bf naked i was just like "okay thats it? you gotta be kidding me."

i had no intrest and i really couldnt care less about it..it took a few months for me to be like wow..that thing feels good!

Sweetpea · 03-09-2005, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Nikki*

I remember the first time I saw full frontal nudity on a man...it was on TV. I was like 12 or something.

I was like "what the hell is that". I in no way shape or form found a man's cock to be attractive.

It was only later on when I discovered how good it felt that it became appealing to me.

hehe So true Nikki

lindseylatch · 03-09-2005, 06:44 PM

My family all used to take baths together, so I've probably seen genitalia all my life...In fact, my parents and I have no problem bathing in front of each other. Obviously there are no sexual feelings involved, so don't think it's anything dirty.
As I think I said before, we're a pretty open family.

Maleigh99 · 03-11-2005, 08:53 AM

I couldn't even look the first time. It took a while before I did (not until after I lost my virginity though.) Don't worry. I don't think it's unnatural.

cowgirl02 · 03-11-2005, 02:23 PM

the first thing i thought when i saw my first bf naked i thought "eww that thing looks funny and wierd" because all it does is hang there. Then i began to love it

la petite moi · 03-13-2005, 09:47 PM

When I first really got to see a penis, touch it, make love with it (teehee), I was VERY emotional. I cried for the first few months, not because of pain or anything, but because it was such an emotional process. Don't feel weird for being nervous or scared.

ironmaiden7o7 · 03-14-2005, 10:57 AM

ironmaiden7o7 · 03-14-2005, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cowgirl02

the first thing i thought when i saw my first bf naked i thought "eww that thing looks funny and wierd" because all it does is hang there. Then i began to love it

hehe, I needed that laugh! Thanks.

03-07-2005, 09:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
Nemi Upright	the first time a virgin sees her boyfriend naked Hi, The first time I saw my bf naked, I was scared (I was 21 then), had never seen a penis before. I wanted to hide, might seem odd but it was like that. I was quite confused. We still haven't had sex (geographic distance). However, he feels and told me there was no 'natural response in me', some crude light in my eyes that I want him. I know that I want him. But is it that I am fooling myself that that first time that this inner woman would have revealed itself in me? How do virgin women react the first time they see the penis of their men? I am just confused. Can someone tell me ?

03-07-2005, 10:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	I'm going to need a little more information here if you will Nemi . . . What are your general feelings on sex? Are you a shy person about sex and nakedness? I think it is very unfair of him to say that you didn't have "natural response" . . . if sex and nakedness is something you are just getting comfortable with . . . it may take you a little time for your inner sex Goddess to come out . . . he needs to understand that and let you go at your own pace . . . When i first saw a my hubby naked and his cock (we were teenage sweethearts) . . . i was like 'rawr' . . . however, i was rasied with frank and honest talk about sex, so i felt comfortable with the situation . . . Is it so much that you aren't comfortable with his 'penis' . . . or is it the situation in general that sorta has you freaked out?? I think it's great that you talking about this and speaking honestly about you feelings surrounding sex is really important . . . sex and intimacy are a Huge part of a relationship and your life and getting comfortable with yourself and sex is the first step to being really happy with your intimate life Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

03-08-2005, 07:29 AM	#3 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Nemi, I was quite intimidated by penises when I was a virgin, and even for a short while after losing my virginity. I came from a relatively conservative background, so when my bf and I started having sex, I would glance at his penis and try not to think about how small my hole was and how large he was compared to the biggest tampon I'd ever used! But after more exploration, sex, and general relaxation about the whole situation, I realized that my vagina was pretty flexible and that I actually enjoyed having his big cock filling me up. I got more into oral sex, too. So the penis became my friend. Give yourself time to get adjusted to your new situation, and above all make sure you communicate with him about how you're feeling. I don't like him telling you there's no "natural response;" that's BS. Just because you're a little intimidated by his penis doesn't mean you won't love to have it in you... he should take a step back and let you choose the pace of your physical relationship. How did it make you feel when he said that? Make sure you tell him so that at least he knows where you're coming from. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

03-08-2005, 01:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I actually came from a very conservative family and so did hubby. We were each other's first so we were both amatures which I think helped. My Mom was very open talking about sex and other things so I wasn't a stranger to what to expect. Mom had even gone so far as to talk to me about pleasuring myself and give me tips and such. I had masterbated for years before I had finally actually had sex. I had not seen even a lot of pictures of penises since porn was completely forbidden in our home and at my college as well. The nearest I ever got were drawings in sex ed. When I actually saw my first penis I must admit I was a little surprised and maybe in aw. It was very different in reality than I had pictured. I doubt I had an "animal response" to it. It was more curiousity than anything I think. Hubby and I had a lot of oral and fingering and touching each other over a course of time before we finally had sex. That familiarity combined with my own familiarity with my own body from playing with myself helped me feel comfortable with the whole thing and especially his body. Your response seems completely NORMAL to me. His comment shows a lack of experience, naivety and maybe even a touch of insecurity on his part. He's probably seen porn where the girl looks hungrily at the guy and he expects that to be the norm. If he is willing to talk about things you can explain to him that your response was more curiosity and unfamiliarity than anything and that you are certain that once you become more comfortable with your own physical body and with his that you're will probably be much more enthusiastic. In the meantime - have you two tried phone sex?? Have you played with yourself? Those are two ways when there's a lot of distance between you to get familiar with yourself and with each other. Good Luck. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

03-09-2005, 10:37 AM	#13 (permalink)
lindseylatch Addict Location: Seattle, WA	I'm with Jane, that was classic. __________________ "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -Voltaire

03-08-2005, 08:05 AM	#4 (permalink)
Nemi Upright	Thank you sweetpea and abaya for your replies. It makes me feel a bit better, I thought I was a bit odd. My general feelings on sex: I think I used to think about it in a very intellectual and feminist way (that men are bad and make women suffer), so I told myself that it's better to avoid them. Well, now that I've met the man I love, my thoughts are quite different: I am looking forward to sex with him. We did do some few things: fingering and I had this amazing moment, him on a chair and me on him (all dressed). Was simply incredible. Yes I am quite shy about sex and nakedness. I was worse before, but I more comfortable now about nakedness. I felt quite amazed when I saw his penis, scared and a guilty (that what my parents would think and I am not supposed to do that - I come from a quite open background but sex is not talked about openly at home). I was quite confused. And yet now with the distance, I think of him and his instrument quite often, that I had the opportunity and didn't use it as such. I actually fantasize a lot about what he and I could do. I read online how some women and the majority of them like their men's penises (I read some old replies on TFP), how much they liked to lick and suck it. I think I'd like to spend more time touching him, feeling him and look at his cock while he sleeps. I like his smell around this area, quite intoxicating. I felt quite defensive when he told me that, that I didn't like him when I saw him and that there was not that crude animal response in my eyes. I tried telling him that moment on the chair was just amazing. But I think I understand where he comes from, that probably the confused look might have suggested I don't like him. I do think he could give me lots of pleasure...

03-08-2005, 11:07 AM	#5 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	i think it is likely that being a little scared and intimidated with the first sexual experience falls into the normal category, particularly for women (people) who aren't totally comfy with sex yet. did he know you were a virgin and had never even seen a man naked before?

03-08-2005, 05:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	I think it's completely natural, normal even, to be a bit taken aback at your first sight of his penis, especially if it was erect. Also remember, men are a little more visually cued than we are. He might think that the mere sight of a body part would be enough to generate some sort of ravenous response, because perhaps that's what he experiences. Not that we don't also respond of course, but as I recall, when I was still a virgin I didn't really know how to want sex badly because I didn't fully understand what there was to want! It wasn't until I had done it more than a few times that my sexuality matured to the point that I could see a naked man and get turned on like that. I would hope that he'd be able to understand - I don't like the sound of him saying that to you. Maybe his feelings were hurt.

03-08-2005, 05:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	I remember the first time I saw full frontal nudity on a man...it was on TV. I was like 12 or something. I was like "what the hell is that". I in no way shape or form found a man's cock to be attractive. It was only later on when I discovered how good it felt that it became appealing to me.

03-08-2005, 06:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	I remember the first time I realized I was just a chromosome away from having been born a boy - I was like whew! close call! Even as a child I thought having part of your body hanging between your legs to be a very odd idea and not at all appealing. Don't tell him that though, he might be insulted. Penises are great once you get used to them.

03-09-2005, 12:36 AM	#12 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	ROFLMFAO, squishor--that last post brought tears to my eyes! what a wonderful sig that would make!

03-09-2005, 12:37 PM	#14 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	squisher you so rock! the first time i saw my bf naked i was just like "okay thats it? you gotta be kidding me." i had no intrest and i really couldnt care less about it..it took a few months for me to be like wow..that thing feels good! __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

03-09-2005, 06:44 PM	#16 (permalink)
lindseylatch Addict Location: Seattle, WA	My family all used to take baths together, so I've probably seen genitalia all my life...In fact, my parents and I have no problem bathing in front of each other. Obviously there are no sexual feelings involved, so don't think it's anything dirty. As I think I said before, we're a pretty open family. __________________ "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." -Voltaire

03-11-2005, 08:53 AM	#17 (permalink)
Maleigh99 Upright Location: Texas	I couldn't even look the first time. It took a while before I did (not until after I lost my virginity though.) Don't worry. I don't think it's unnatural.

03-11-2005, 02:23 PM	#18 (permalink)
cowgirl02 Tilted Location: Dallas, Texas	the first thing i thought when i saw my first bf naked i thought "eww that thing looks funny and wierd" because all it does is hang there. Then i began to love it __________________ "If you judge people, you have no time to love them"- Mother Theresa No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile. *Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

03-14-2005, 10:57 AM	#20 (permalink)
ironmaiden7o7 Insane Location: NYC	Last edited by ironmaiden7o7; 04-14-2008 at 09:35 AM..

03-13-2005, 09:47 PM	#19 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	When I first really got to see a penis, touch it, make love with it (teehee), I was VERY emotional. I cried for the first few months, not because of pain or anything, but because it was such an emotional process. Don't feel weird for being nervous or scared.