something else that may help (or not?) is attempting these sorts of things in the most comfortable environment you can create. i know for myself, if i'm doing something a little out of bounds sexually i prefer it to be at night. i want it dark (a few candles are ok) and i don't want background distractions like the tv or music. i've never really examined why but after a while i noticed the pattern. a friend of mine is the exact opposite--she wants all the lights on when trying something different! to me, it's more intimidating in that setting, for her--it makes it less intense. something to think about anyway.
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