joofoo

...if she still wants to be with me. Let me give a little back story here and get your thoughts, opinions on what I can do 'win' her heart back.

We've been married for a little more than ten years. (It was ten years in January). We've have our ups and downs as all marriages have, but generally speaking more good than bad. So on to my story... its long so please bear with me.

In August of 2003, my wife and my two children moved back to our home state of Kansas City without me. At the time I couldn't leave Texas because three years earlier I had messed up bad and got myself charged with a felony charge of theft of trade secrets, a plea agreement was setup with seven years of probation, 400 hours of community service and hefty fine. In Texas once you serve two-thirds of your time and have completed all your community service you can then petition the courts to terminate your sentence early (99% of the time they will in a non-violent case and mine was) So our logic was to get our oldest child into school, and me being alone in Texas I could bang out my community service and come March the following year I would petition the court and I would be up there. (In the meantime I would be making visits to see them and they would come to see me) Well come March I went to the probation people and said I have all my stuff done, and they informed me that no, I still had like eighty hours left. Somehow somewhere my hours I did got lost, or misdated or whatever.

So back I went back on working the hours off, and come June I thought I was done again, and guess what? Nope, still forty hours left. At this point, after almost an entire year apart our marriage was already starting to show signs of wear and tear. So I told her that I had more to do but would get them done, and come September would get my lawyer to petition the court finally. Well, I was in such bad shape from missing my wife and kids that I never finished the last forty hours. But I kept telling her I was doing them, and that come September we would be together again. Bam, right there if I had just been honest, things would not be where they are now. But instead I chose to lie to her, and kept lying right through September. Telling her that the lawyer had filed the papers, but we were waiting on the court or the probation people. More lying ensued until finally in the first of November she called my lawyer and he told her that I hadn't contacted him yet, and she realized that I had been lying to her. So that night we had a long, soul searching phone conversation, I admitted to every little lie I had ever told her, and she revealed a bombshell of a lie that she hadn't told me. Needless to say at the end of the conversation we both agreed a clean slate was set upon as and that would we forgive each other and move on.

So all seemed fine, I was up visiting twice in December for my sons birthday and Christmas and all seemed well. Then in mid February (still waiting on the probation people to say times are done) she comes back and tells me that she is very upset with me, and that she doesn't know if she wants to be with me any longer. Once again we have a long talk and at the end, we seem like it will take sometime, but that once I get up there we will go back to work on our marriage. So two weeks later I go up to see the family and she drops the hammer on me... she tells me that she loves me but she's not in love me with me. My heart officially breaks, she tells me that right now she doesn't know if she wants to be with me, that she’s happy without me, and that I’ve bruised her heart and she doesn't know if it can be healed. By the end of the trip, she seems like she wants to try and work things out, but she needs time and for me to be patient with her. So I get back home and find out that finally the court has set a date of March 8th to decide my fate and possibly my marriage. Now since I've been back, on the phone she seems, distant and cold, and downright mean. My already low self-esteem and self-confidence are falling like a rock. We talk every few days, but I generally come to dread them because I come out of them feeling worse about myself and my situation.

Now my question to all you fine folks is this... what do I need to do to prove to her that I love her, and help heal her bruised heart? Can it be done at all? Does she just need time like she tells me? Or am I just missing something and this rudeness, coldness of hers just trying to get me to say forget it and leave so she doesn't have to do it? Any thoughts, suggestions, advice would be appreciated. I love, and adore her and don't want to lose her! Thanks!

- Kevin

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joofoo