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Why does he not like you using toys?
He doesn't like making a mess? Keep a towel near the bed.... that excuse just seems strange to me, that there are some deeper issues there with him and not you at all. What's his sexual history?
The fact that you don't like your 'bits' is very concerning,there's a lot there to love and to give you pleasure. They aren't dirty or bad. Has the counseling you've had helped you much? maybe a different therapist?
It's good that he's patient with you... Have y'all talked about what you really want out of the relationship?
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Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
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