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Bunnybear · 03-03-2005, 07:15 AM

Sorry I haven't introduced myself. I'm 20, female, from the UK.
I have a small.. well more than small... and more than one problem.

For one, this forum is fantastic. All the women here respect eachother and give their honest opinion. You all should give yourselves a big pat on the back.

Now, onto my weird problems. I'm a bit shy, so work with me here.

Some info first: I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years(known him for over 4). He's dated 4 girls before me, he's my first boyfriend. I'm still a virgin, he is not.

I recently went on his computer and found porn in his favorites and cookies. It's understandable, but it really bothers me. I met him online and before we met, we used to talk over the mic all day. And sometimes we would uh.. masturbate together... and I used to hear clicking of his mouse, and he told me then that he never looked at porn. I believed him. There have been times where I couldn't do anything because family was around, but I wanted him to do stuff... and he said he didn't have me to motivate him so he needed porn, but claimed he knew none. So I found some for him.... didn't realize I was adding to his collection. This hurts.. because I feel that I am not enough or good enough so he has to resort to porn.
Ok, getting back to finding it. I confronted him and told him I was hurt that he lied to me etc. He told me he wouldn't look at it again (I knew he would, but I believed him anyway). A day later, I found some more in his cookies. He seems to masturbate every other morning or so before work... and this really bothers me. And he told me he would never look at it again, I was really upset.. I was holding back tears. Today I checked his comp and he has everything set to not save. No cookies, no temp files, no history... so I know he's still using it. I find it disrespectful to me that he looks at naked women and orgasms from it.

I need you guys to help me get past this because alot of you don't seem bothered and I don't want to be bothered anymore.

I'm pretty self concious and insecure. If he says someone on tv is pretty, I will get jealous and feel even worse about myself. It doesn't stay with me long, but it does for that moment.

I'm trying really hard to not be jealous over these rather stupid things, so I'm hoping for advice on that part.

The other night we were in bed fooling around... he got me off and so I wanted to return the favor... and he didn't want to. I've never felt so rejected in my life... he never lets me get him off. He seems to prefer porn and his hand... I told him this. He said it wasn't true and that he just wasn't in the mood. So instead, he'd sleep with a hard on til it dies down when he's asleep.

I feel like he looks at porn because I won't have sex with him. I'm afraid of sex because of something that has happened to me in the past. But I've been getting closer and closer to going all the way because I want him to get off. I feel like forcing myself just for his sake and I know that's wrong.

I have an idea of what it'll feel like.. but it's the pain I am worried about, it was different then too. So I'm curious.. does it hurt for the first time? How badly and for how long?

I have talked to him about this stuff and he tells me that I am wrong. He told me looks at porn because he needs to get off too. But everytime I want to, he doesn't.

03-03-2005, 07:15 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bunnybear Upright Location: UK	Help: Boyfriend problems... and more... Sorry I haven't introduced myself. I'm 20, female, from the UK. I have a small.. well more than small... and more than one problem. For one, this forum is fantastic. All the women here respect eachother and give their honest opinion. You all should give yourselves a big pat on the back. Now, onto my weird problems. I'm a bit shy, so work with me here. Some info first: I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years(known him for over 4). He's dated 4 girls before me, he's my first boyfriend. I'm still a virgin, he is not. I recently went on his computer and found porn in his favorites and cookies. It's understandable, but it really bothers me. I met him online and before we met, we used to talk over the mic all day. And sometimes we would uh.. masturbate together... and I used to hear clicking of his mouse, and he told me then that he never looked at porn. I believed him. There have been times where I couldn't do anything because family was around, but I wanted him to do stuff... and he said he didn't have me to motivate him so he needed porn, but claimed he knew none. So I found some for him.... didn't realize I was adding to his collection. This hurts.. because I feel that I am not enough or good enough so he has to resort to porn. Ok, getting back to finding it. I confronted him and told him I was hurt that he lied to me etc. He told me he wouldn't look at it again (I knew he would, but I believed him anyway). A day later, I found some more in his cookies. He seems to masturbate every other morning or so before work... and this really bothers me. And he told me he would never look at it again, I was really upset.. I was holding back tears. Today I checked his comp and he has everything set to not save. No cookies, no temp files, no history... so I know he's still using it. I find it disrespectful to me that he looks at naked women and orgasms from it. I need you guys to help me get past this because alot of you don't seem bothered and I don't want to be bothered anymore. I'm pretty self concious and insecure. If he says someone on tv is pretty, I will get jealous and feel even worse about myself. It doesn't stay with me long, but it does for that moment. I'm trying really hard to not be jealous over these rather stupid things, so I'm hoping for advice on that part. The other night we were in bed fooling around... he got me off and so I wanted to return the favor... and he didn't want to. I've never felt so rejected in my life... he never lets me get him off. He seems to prefer porn and his hand... I told him this. He said it wasn't true and that he just wasn't in the mood. So instead, he'd sleep with a hard on til it dies down when he's asleep. I feel like he looks at porn because I won't have sex with him. I'm afraid of sex because of something that has happened to me in the past. But I've been getting closer and closer to going all the way because I want him to get off. I feel like forcing myself just for his sake and I know that's wrong. I have an idea of what it'll feel like.. but it's the pain I am worried about, it was different then too. So I'm curious.. does it hurt for the first time? How badly and for how long? I have talked to him about this stuff and he tells me that I am wrong. He told me looks at porn because he needs to get off too. But everytime I want to, he doesn't.