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Need advice on being more assertive and sexual
I took a while to decide whether to post this or not but I really could use some advice other than telling myself what I should be doing...
So here goes.
I am not the most sexual person. I like sex, and enjoy it, but I feel that I have yet to shed my inner "little girl". Seeing as I'm 24, it's easy to see why I'm on the border. I also feel that sometimes my libido is quite low, and I don't know why (could be illness related in my case). My SO is extremely sexy to me and I always feel attracted to him, but sometimes sexually my body isn't responding/willing. I'm really bad at initiating sex, mainly because I don't feel confident and also because I feel...silly. That sounds weird but it's just I feel stupid sometimes about the sexual "game". I don't quite know how to go about it sometimes, I make stupid jokes and often ruin the mood. I've had a few occasions in which I took the lead, but usually I get very nervous about saying or doing what I want. I know my SO would love for me to be more assertive and "sexy", but sometimes I just feel physically paralyzed. For example, he once told me that he'd love it if he was woken up one morning with a BJ. I know, simple right? Wrong. When I got round to it, I really had to force myself to do it, as I was soooo nervous. In a way, it's like I'm afraid of something.
Maybe this isn't just a simple problem of being more assertive, but I'm sure if I was it would help my sex life a lot.
So basically I would love some tips on what I could do to become more assertive, and sexy/enticing...I hope you know what I mean. If this is too unclear, just let me know, I can give you more details. Thanks for any help you can offer.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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