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Ah, a wonderful vent-fest. I'll start off by saying that I am a pretty well adjusted guy now. I don't worry too much about what is in the past or blame any current problems on the way that I was raised etc. That said, I do look back on the things that my parents did and just shake my head and wonder how they could be so selfish.
My parents divorced when I was 8. My mom raised my brother and myself from then on, working some part-time jobs and scraping by on a very small child-support check from my father. At that time, I was too young to really understand the financial difficulty that she went through, but now I look back and wonder how she made it all work. I know that she sacrificed a lot personally to provide for my brother and myself. I have told her that now that I have grown up enough to reflect on it. My dad has always been very selfish, though I am pretty sure that he doesn't see himself that way. He has remarried to a selfish and needy woman, so they make a great pair.
The problem for me really came when I went to college. Both of my parents had remarried by this point and moved up in the financial aspect of things. Either one of them could have afforded to send me to school on their own, my dad more so that my mom, but really either one of them could have paid for the whole ride. BUT, the divorce decree (legally binding document) said that each parent would pay an equal amount for college tuition, living expenses, etc. So they had to split the expenses. But neither of them wanted to pay one cent more than the other party. So I was constantly required to report back to the other party if my mom gave me extra money for food, she wanted to make sure that I got a matching amount from my dad. And it was my reponsibility to make sure that this happened. It got to be a real tug-of-war between the parents and I was the rope.
It started even with my school selection. I was a pretty bright kid with good grades and great test scores. My dad encouraged me to apply to state schools so that he wouldn't have to foot the bill for private college. Not that I have anything against state schools. But I barely even had the choice. My dad even suggested that I attend the first two years at a community college just so the tuition would be cheaper. This is from a guy with a low 6 figure income in the late 80s.
During school, I would constantly hear complaints about how much my dad was sacrificing just to be able to send me to school. At this time they were paying for my tuition and sending me $200/month for living expense. My mom was matching that $200/month, so I had a massive income of $4800/year to live on. My rent for a shared apartment was $235, so you can guess that the money they gave me didn't go far. I ended up having to get part-time jobs to help with my living expenses. My grades suffered some when scheduling conflicts got in the way of attending class regularly. I scraped by.
During college, I had a crappy little Honda that I paid $500 dollars for that had rusted floorboards and would break down every fifth time I drove it anywhere. While I was in college for 4 years, my dad bought two brand-new cars trading in their cars which were only a few years old. I know that he only got a couple of thousand dollars off for the trade, but he never thought to offer if I wanted to have one of those cars, or even if I wanted to buy one of those cars.
Lots of people are probably thinking, why didn't you just get financial aid? Yeah, most of my friends were on aid during college. I didn't qualify because my parents made far too much money. Looking back, I should have just declared myself an independent and filed for aid on my own with no mention of parental support. But at the time my dad convinced me not to do that because he was still claiming me as a dependent on his income tax. I was too stupid to know any better then.
The final blow came when I graduated college. I didn't really care about walking for my graduation. Since it is a pretty big school, the graduation ceremony can take 3-4 hours. I just wanted the degree and to get out of there. But my dad and his wife were adamant that they really wanted to see me walk. So I agreed. I had to pay to rent the cap and gown, but they were gung-ho on it, so I figured, 'What the hey! I only graduate college once." Just before graduation, they call up to say how much they are looking forward to coming up to see the ceremony and that they have a big surprise for me. Alright! I'm thinking maybe they bought me something nice. A briefcase or something. Maybe just some cash to help me get started out. So they roll up on graduation day in a new minivan. Yep, that was their surprise for me. Now that they didn't have to support me through college they could finally afford to by yet another new car.
Ultimately, their selfishness and financial stupidity has taught me important financial lessons. I handle myself financially in exactly the opposite way from my dad and stepmom. They spend, I save. They buy new cars, I would never buy new. They have an income of over $150k, yet barely manage to save a little for retirement each year. I'm only 31 and I max out my retirement account each year.
Wow! That ended up being really, really long.
To summarize: My parents got divorced. I went to college. Selfish Dad wouldn't pay enough for college. Waaaaaa, Boo Hoo. I got over it. Now I am financially stronger because of it.
Ah, venting is good!
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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
- Albert Einstein
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