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Old 02-13-2005, 08:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
Hain
has a plan
 
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Location: middle of Whywouldanyonebethere
Nice story. I like the suddenness of being thrown into a situation. Try some of my stuff: The Wanderer's Chronicles.

I like the flow of the dialogue between characters, good stuff. Just a suggestion for a final copy, start it off with a dream so that we readers know that the Shadow Priest is for Trelon. I could tell right away that he was. And a dream sequence is a way to show the human side for your protagonist who, I assume, will be on a journey fending for his life and may at some points lose that human side to him.

Good stuff, keep it up, I love short stories by aspiring authors, and I myself live for writting my own stuff (when I find the time).
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