Nice story. I like the suddenness of being thrown into a situation. Try some of my stuff: The Wanderer's Chronicles.
I like the flow of the dialogue between characters, good stuff. Just a suggestion for a final copy, start it off with a dream so that we readers know that the Shadow Priest is for Trelon. I could tell right away that he was. And a dream sequence is a way to show the human side for your protagonist who, I assume, will be on a journey fending for his life and may at some points lose that human side to him.
Good stuff, keep it up, I love short stories by aspiring authors, and I myself live for writting my own stuff (when I find the time).
|