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Originally Posted by sweetpea
...Uptown . . .
This isn't about your sex life perhaps . . . it seems it might be concerning bigger issues in your relationship . . . and if he gets "mad" when you try to communicate with him . . . is it really worth it to be with someone who doesn't let you communicate your feelings in an open manner?...
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Exactly my thoughts.
I don't think this is an issue of you not being able to turn him on. He has bigger issues. I do know the faking thing. That's all I'm saying here. Your SO could be struggling with a number of things. The fact that he's not getting hard for you or cumming even but being successful after, perhaps hours of, viewing porn ir most likely about him becoming aroused slowly and maybe even self stimulating. You could encourage him to masterbate while you kiss him all over or some such slow erotic act until he becomes hard. His coming to wake you up actually sends up a red flag for me. There's a couple things you mentioned that are not a regular part of a healthy relationship. These are
1. He get angry when you try to discuss your issue with him.
2. He wakes you in order to get gratification.
3. His waking you depraves you of sleep - this is much more of an issue if you are going to bed at a normal time and you need this sleep and not taking a nap cause you have nothing else to do.
4. You are faking it - your afrai you won't be performing well enough to please him. (At least this is how it sounded to me.)
5. He apparently said that talking about his problem would make him not want to touch you - not a healthy response.
6. You said "I feel responsible,gulity,ashamed !!!"
#'s 1-5 are typical responses of an emotional abuser. #'6 is a typical response of a victim of such abuse. I don't want to give a "diagnosis" or anything such as that but I'm suggesting that you take a step back and look at the whole relationship very carefully. Does he guilt trip you about things? or is this your response? Does he try to control in other ways besides asking for sex at inopportune moments? Does he get angry if you say "No I'm Sorry. I'm tired. That's why I was sleeping."? Does he get upset and angry about other things? An abuser doesn't always use physical force (that's usually only the end of the cycle). Often they use emotional guilt trips, withhold sex, disturb your sleep, complain about things when you don't do everything they want done. I'm sorry. I hope I'm not crossing a line here. Your post just pushed a button for me and I had to share my thoughts. I hope you don't mind.