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Originally Posted by Rodney
You might want to check out what he learned or didn't learn in Montessori, and how achievement was measured there. Sometimes kids from Montessori and Waldorf schools don't do well when they transition to traditional schools. For one thing, they don't _have_ exams in a lot of these schools. You demonstrate what you know by demonstrating your knowledge in a way that you have a lot of control over, and it's not competitive. He may simply reject the idea of exams. Start talking with him about how things were done in Montessori and try to help him make a connection between how achievement is measured there and how achievement is measured in his new school.
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This is one of the first things that came to my mind. A Montessori school is a very non-traditional setting. Trasitioning from a school such at that to a Private school where test results and standards are held very high would be an extreme switch. Was he switched over from one school to the other mid-school year? Why did they switch him? This question might be a real eye-opener.
It does sound like the boy needs a different approach to education than a traditional setting. It sounds like he's got a few learning problems that are holding him back. He may have problems at home and the emotional consequences are bleeding over into his school.
One more thing that came to mind and it may be grasping at threads but I can't ignore it - You never mentioned a father, the schools he's attended are high cost schools, the mother seems intent on forcing him to do well without giving him outside assistence. The mother is "living" through her child. He's her status symbol. That puts a LOT of pressure on a kid. It could account for maybe even half of his problems.
As for the teachers - they're in a private school - there's a lot of pressure on teachers in a private school (I taugh in one) not to let anything slack in class just because one kid is behind. I was foisted with teaching a 13 yr old boy with a 3rd grade reading level in my class of 4th-6th graders. When I took the time to really help him I was unable to do everything that the school (and parents) expected from me in class. This caused a lot of confrontation with other parents. It was a huge temptation to ignore his problems, let him slip by, and only deal with his parents who thought their child was brilliant and was just not working hard enough. When ONE kid slips it's his problem - when the whole class slows down it's the teachers problem - or at least that's the way it goes sometimes. I'm not trying to give those teachers an excuse but I'm telling their side. You may be able to make many of them advocates if they think you're going to try to take the pressure off them and get this kid some outside help. Ask them if they'll support you if you look to another authority to intervene in this situation. Have you spoken to the principal - you wouldn't want to step on any toes but he/she may know of someone outside the school who would best help. Be forewarned - I don't know this school but some private schools are very contrary to getting outside help unless THEY approve of it. A "problem child" Or "bad parents" in their school looks BAD for them. Do what you can but try not to make too many loud waves.
Also on the autism note - I worked with a girl with autism - they can tell when you really do care and will show more affection to you than perhaps normally they would with anyone else. I noticed it when she began to follow me everywhere. Also how does this boy react to physical touch - just to his arm or something. Typically an response from an autistic child is to shy away from it - almost excessively as with fear. If there isn't a touch of autism - this is a response that we were taught can indicate some abuse. Has he outright told you the scratches were from his fingers?? Are they in a position to be created by him? I know I might be stretching but I'm looking for all possibilities. I've seen abused children enough that I'm unable to ignore the possibilities.
Kudo's for caring about this kid. I hope you can help him. If anything I'm sure he can tell you care - you'll never know the effect that alone can have on a child.