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My mother died on July 9, 2002, the day before my 39th birthday. The loss of my mother is indescribably painful and I don't think I'll ever get over it. Since my father died when I was 13, I now have no parents. I'm 41 years old and I feel like an orphan. I don't have anyone to go to who can give me that certain kind of comfort that a parent can give. I feel alone in a very final sense. Your post made me start crying - I know how you feel.
When my mother died, the owner of my company came to me and said, "You go through your life and you see people who lose their parents and you think, 'wow, that must be awful, they must be in a lot of pain.' But you never really understand what they are going through, and you don't really want to think about it that hard. Then it happens to you, and it's like not only the rug has been pulled out from under you, but the floor and all the earth that you thought was there to hold you up is just gone. And you are in so much grief you don't think you can go on for another minute, much less the rest of your life. And you realize, 'so that's what they were going through. How did they ever survive?' But you do survive, because you have to." It realy helped me to know that there was someone who understood how I was feeling.
When I feel sad about my mother, I think about the part of her that lives on in me and I try to have a good time, because that's what she would have wanted.
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