maleficent

excellent idea...

Tom, my best friend since we were 4 years old, who made the unfortunate mistake of going to work on September 11. My family moved a few times when we were kids, but somehow Tom and I always managed to stay in touch, and this was before the days of cheap long distance and email. We just always managed to be in each other's lives. Tom was the guy everyone wanted to be friends with, and was pretty much friends with everyone. He was tall, good looking, intelligent, had a great smile, was charming, would help out anyone who asked, and even those that didnt. Had a heart as big as all outdoors. He's the type of person that people are just drawn to, because of his warmth. But there was so much more to him.

What do I miss about him? Easy. The reality check. I am a very tense, high stress person, I rarely talk about what's really going on in my head and the internal dialog in my head can get pretty intense, and can sometimes make things worse than they really are. Tom could give me a reality check, and just the ease in which we talked, and I could sort out the wheat from the chaff. I miss the nights that he'd work too late to get the train home, and (I was living downtown at the time) he'd come over to my apartment and sleep on the couch. I'd wake up in the morning, and he'd be snoring on the couch. I miss taking roadtrips to the jersey shore, sitting on the beach all night and talking to the sun comes up and later. I miss my best friend.

What would I say to them? I got a lot building up, I'd need days to get it all out, but the biggest thing I'd say to him, is remind him how much he means to me and what a huge part of my life he is. Some of our best moments were when nothing was said at all. There was an incident a few years back, where I called with a big problem, 12 hours later, he had come 1/2 way across the country just to lend a shoulder, no words were spoken but the gesture will stay with me forever. At one of my darkest moments, I had a friend I could count on. I know that I don't have this now, that's not a negative, but I know I can't replace a 30 year + friendship. I'll report back when I am 70.

Someone once told me that they thought I was making Tom better than he was because he was dead and wasn't around to defend himself and remind me of his bad sides. I am very aware of his imperfections, he could be annoying as all get out, more stubborn than I am, and could argue me under the table, but it was one of the things I liked best about him.


The world is definitely worse off for the loss of Tom. Tom always gave people the benefit of the doubt and never judged people until he got to know them. I could go on forever...

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