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maleficent · 01-29-2005, 07:08 AM

Not really a family member for me... in 2001 my best friend, since kindergarden (that's more than 30 years) was killed. There's not a week goes by that I don't have to stop myself from picking up the phone to share something funny/annoying/good with him. There is not a day goes by that I don't miss him, it sounds trite, but part of me definitely died along with him that day, he lived, and continues to live in a place in my heart and soul that no one else has ever been and I honestly doubt anyone else will ever be.

Occassionally I find myself talking to him, but it's not the same thing as sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee or a bottle of wine just talking about anything and everything. It's the little things I miss more than anything, the "just because" emails or phone calls just to say "hey, I'm thinking about you". He was a wanted friend, not a needed friend.

It's OK to be angry with them for leaving you, anger is one of the stages of grief, don't focus on the anger, try to remember the good times with that person. Icer is correct in that writing it out can help a lot, it doesn't even have to be public, it can be just something you are doing for yourself to help you get thru it. There's no time frame on when you are supposed to "get over it" either, the last stage of grief is acceptance, and I think that's the place we all try to get to.

You are definitely not alone, so many people have a shared similar experience. This community is a great source of support, we can't change what happened, or bring back your mom, but we are here to listen to you.

One of the things that really helped me, was at my friends memorial service. His family asked a few of his friends to speak at it, and to share their memories of him. I was prepared for a really depressing event and had prepared some nice things to say, but was having a hard time with words that day, and spoke from my heart (once in a while I do have one) and started to tell some of the funny stories, and there were some doozies, the other people speaking did the same thing, and the memorial service was a day filled with laughter. Remember the happy times with your mom, share some of the goofy mom stories that we all have and can relate to, don't dwell on what you don't have and celebrate what you had with her.

01-29-2005, 07:08 AM	#8 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Not really a family member for me... in 2001 my best friend, since kindergarden (that's more than 30 years) was killed. There's not a week goes by that I don't have to stop myself from picking up the phone to share something funny/annoying/good with him. There is not a day goes by that I don't miss him, it sounds trite, but part of me definitely died along with him that day, he lived, and continues to live in a place in my heart and soul that no one else has ever been and I honestly doubt anyone else will ever be. Occassionally I find myself talking to him, but it's not the same thing as sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee or a bottle of wine just talking about anything and everything. It's the little things I miss more than anything, the "just because" emails or phone calls just to say "hey, I'm thinking about you". He was a wanted friend, not a needed friend. It's OK to be angry with them for leaving you, anger is one of the stages of grief, don't focus on the anger, try to remember the good times with that person. Icer is correct in that writing it out can help a lot, it doesn't even have to be public, it can be just something you are doing for yourself to help you get thru it. There's no time frame on when you are supposed to "get over it" either, the last stage of grief is acceptance, and I think that's the place we all try to get to. You are definitely not alone, so many people have a shared similar experience. This community is a great source of support, we can't change what happened, or bring back your mom, but we are here to listen to you. One of the things that really helped me, was at my friends memorial service. His family asked a few of his friends to speak at it, and to share their memories of him. I was prepared for a really depressing event and had prepared some nice things to say, but was having a hard time with words that day, and spoke from my heart (once in a while I do have one) and started to tell some of the funny stories, and there were some doozies, the other people speaking did the same thing, and the memorial service was a day filled with laughter. Remember the happy times with your mom, share some of the goofy mom stories that we all have and can relate to, don't dwell on what you don't have and celebrate what you had with her. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.