Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - I'm in need of (some more) advices, please help.

KellyC · 01-28-2005, 01:42 PM

Hi people, I'm facing with another problem. For those who think my last one is a tough nut (here: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=79001), this one is even greater. I'll try to be brief about it...

So I asked for some advices last month about a girl I really like, I got some solid advices and decided to go for it. We've been dating for a month now, and it's been tough, really tough. But still, I'm determined to make it work because I love this girl so much and am willing to do anything for her.

Here's the problem: She loves me more than I love her. I checked with her friends and they verify it and called me a lucky bastard because I won so much affection from her, which I admit I am. But because she loves me so much, she develops this fear of hurting me and she couldn't live with herself if she ever did hurt me. That fear in turn made her hold back expressing all her love to me. And because of that, she wanted to break up with me. Why? Because she rather that I be hurt a little bit now than be hurt a lot, a lot more in the future, which according to her, will happen. Since we only dated for a short period of time, we are not deeply attached yet so it's easier to let go. (She reasons that there are other girls out there for me who can love me better than she can and that I need to explore and she feels like she's wasting my time and holding me back from doing all that. Well, I couldn't possibly careless for other girls, nor do I want to explore either because I have her and she's definitly not holding me back. I told her this but she can't help but feel that she's holding me back.)

I talked to her about this and have tried everything to make her realize that if I get hurt by her, it would be ok, I wouldn't hate her. But no luck. She is so desperate for the break up that she even made plans to move across the country to avoid me. Hoping that I would hate her and move on with my life quicker (Keep in mind that she's 4 yrs older than me and has the financial capabilities to do so, plus she's doing it with her ex BF [this guy still loves her very much, a lot more than I do and had even asked her to marry him])

Of course, I was traumatized when I hear this news so I talked to her girl friend about it to see what's going on. We talked about her and how she felt and her friend yelled at me for being an idiot for not knowing how to love her. Her friend told me that my gf think she's wasting her time with me because she loves me a lot and I cannot return the same amount of love. I thought about it, and it's true. But in truth, my gf never think like this. Her friend lied to me so I would agree to break up with her. Her lie made me feel really bad and made me realize how selfish I was.

Also at the same time, put two thoughts in my head: 1) What's best for my gf, which would be to break up so that other guys can come in and do a better job of loving her than me (this would be where her EX came in and take my place). And 2) What my heart desires, which is to be with her, my happiness. While talking to her friend and wrestling with these two decisions, her friend immediately tell my girl friend that I opted option 1, I couldn't stop her in time...

So my gf instant message me via Yahoo Messenger and talked about it. I told her what her friend told me, she say her friend lied to me. Thus, I made a mistake of agreeing to break up with my gf because of a lie. This is something that's going to haunt me for a really long time, if not for the rest of my life. But alas, the two thoughts that's in my head are still struggling with each other. What's best for her vs. my happiness. I'm seeing my gf (or ex gf) in a couple hours hoping to reverse the break up but these two thoughts are so conflicting it's making me go crazy.

So what should I do? Choose what's best for her and forever live with a regret that I let a perfect girl go. Or my heart's desire, to be with her and be happy?

I've been thinking about this all night last night and mostly all morning long, it's so frustrating....please help.

I hope the above makes sense to you all. I apologize if there's any confusion, just ask and I'll clear it up. Thank for you reading.

01-28-2005, 01:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	I'm in need of (some more) advices, please help. Hi people, I'm facing with another problem. For those who think my last one is a tough nut (here: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=79001), this one is even greater. I'll try to be brief about it... So I asked for some advices last month about a girl I really like, I got some solid advices and decided to go for it. We've been dating for a month now, and it's been tough, really tough. But still, I'm determined to make it work because I love this girl so much and am willing to do anything for her. Here's the problem: She loves me more than I love her. I checked with her friends and they verify it and called me a lucky bastard because I won so much affection from her, which I admit I am. But because she loves me so much, she develops this fear of hurting me and she couldn't live with herself if she ever did hurt me. That fear in turn made her hold back expressing all her love to me. And because of that, she wanted to break up with me. Why? Because she rather that I be hurt a little bit now than be hurt a lot, a lot more in the future, which according to her, will happen. Since we only dated for a short period of time, we are not deeply attached yet so it's easier to let go. (She reasons that there are other girls out there for me who can love me better than she can and that I need to explore and she feels like she's wasting my time and holding me back from doing all that. Well, I couldn't possibly careless for other girls, nor do I want to explore either because I have her and she's definitly not holding me back. I told her this but she can't help but feel that she's holding me back.) I talked to her about this and have tried everything to make her realize that if I get hurt by her, it would be ok, I wouldn't hate her. But no luck. She is so desperate for the break up that she even made plans to move across the country to avoid me. Hoping that I would hate her and move on with my life quicker (Keep in mind that she's 4 yrs older than me and has the financial capabilities to do so, plus she's doing it with her ex BF [this guy still loves her very much, a lot more than I do and had even asked her to marry him]) Of course, I was traumatized when I hear this news so I talked to her girl friend about it to see what's going on. We talked about her and how she felt and her friend yelled at me for being an idiot for not knowing how to love her. Her friend told me that my gf think she's wasting her time with me because she loves me a lot and I cannot return the same amount of love. I thought about it, and it's true. But in truth, my gf never think like this. Her friend lied to me so I would agree to break up with her. Her lie made me feel really bad and made me realize how selfish I was. Also at the same time, put two thoughts in my head: 1) What's best for my gf, which would be to break up so that other guys can come in and do a better job of loving her than me (this would be where her EX came in and take my place). And 2) What my heart desires, which is to be with her, my happiness. While talking to her friend and wrestling with these two decisions, her friend immediately tell my girl friend that I opted option 1, I couldn't stop her in time... So my gf instant message me via Yahoo Messenger and talked about it. I told her what her friend told me, she say her friend lied to me. Thus, I made a mistake of agreeing to break up with my gf because of a lie. This is something that's going to haunt me for a really long time, if not for the rest of my life. But alas, the two thoughts that's in my head are still struggling with each other. What's best for her vs. my happiness. I'm seeing my gf (or ex gf) in a couple hours hoping to reverse the break up but these two thoughts are so conflicting it's making me go crazy. So what should I do? Choose what's best for her and forever live with a regret that I let a perfect girl go. Or my heart's desire, to be with her and be happy? I've been thinking about this all night last night and mostly all morning long, it's so frustrating....please help. I hope the above makes sense to you all. I apologize if there's any confusion, just ask and I'll clear it up. Thank for you reading. __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens. Last edited by KellyC; 01-28-2005 at 02:16 PM..