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Originally Posted by oh beloved
if you truly care about this girl, let your friend know. going behind his back isn't an option, considering you're both good friends with him. i've always thought that there was an unsaid rule that you don't date friends' exes without asking. i've just seen it recently - a friend of mine was caught in bed with his friend's ex -girlfriend. albeit, it was only a couple months after they had broken up, the friend was absolutely infuriated. i realize that there's a difference, as in your situation, it's been 4 years since the two had relations, but nonetheless... better to be careful, than to be... well.. friendless, i guess.
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I don't think there is a statute of limitations. If I wanted to date a girl that my friend dated 10 years ago, I would still ask him first.
The real question is this: have you two done ANYTHING romatically yet? Kissed, messed around, etc. If you intend on asking your friend for permission, you MUST ask before anything romantic happens. Otherwise, you aren't asking for permission, you are asking for forgiveness. He will be much more inclined to say "go for it" if you ask first. It's a good show of respect for him.