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how do the 12 and 8 year old interact with each other? If he sees them fighting then he could be emulating the older boy's behavior also.
As far as taking the hit in the mouth, tell your wife she's being overly protective. You should have taken the toy sword away and given him a serious timeout to let him know in no uncertain terms NEVER to swing anything at anyone again.
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"no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him."
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